Biblical Roles of Marriage Part III: “The Role of A Godly Husband.” #2 ~ PAV

Merry Christmas!

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB), “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and SHOW HER HONOR as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered”.

In 1 Peter 3:7, the word HONOR really stands out when referenced as how husbands are to be with their wives. The word ‘honor’ means ‘high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: such respect manifested: high public esteem’. It’s important that husbands understand this because a husband who HONORS his wife will NEVER cheat on her. A husband who HONORS his wife will ALWAYS provide for her as best as he can. A husband who HONORS his wife will not abuse her. Why? Because a husband who HONORS his wife respects his wife HIGHLY as the gift from God that she is!

When I was a newlywed, I was at work one day thinking about the argument my wife and I had earlier that morning. While I was working the Lord began to speak to me about the way I saw my wife. All of a suddenly, I saw a picture of a vase. The vase looked so delicate and very expensive. The Lord then asked me how much did I think the vase was worth. Without hesitating I said out-loud to the Lord, “PRICELESS”. Then the Lord told me that the vase represented MY WIFE! Everything hit me SO HARD as I realized I had not been treating my wife like the delicacy that she is. Her worth is FAR ABOVE RUBIES (Prov 31:10). Not just to me but TO GOD! God is SERIOUS about the way His sons treat His daughters! Yes my wife and I share in the “grace of life” and yes we BOTH serve God individually as well as together but God has called me as her husband to HONOR HER! And I am to honor her above ALL OTHERS ON THIS EARTH as she is the ONE I am in covenant with.

To this day I have definitely missed the mark many times with treating my wife with the honor I am supposed to. And the interesting thing is whether my wife submits to me or not, reverences me or not or obeys me or not, I am STILL to HONOR her in our marriage as MY WIFE!

In my HONEST opinion, this is where so many believing husbands miss it and miss it often. We think that we are to be honored by our wives yet we forget God has called us to also honor our wives. Not only that, we are to dwell with our wives in an understanding way. Col 3:19 tells us husbands AGAIN to love our wives but also not to be harsh with them. God has a way he wants us to be with our wives DAILY! I have failed at this many times but as I grow, I am reminded of the delicate vase God showed me as a newlywed.

If you noticed in yesterday’s write-up as well as this one, I don’t mention much about the husband providing. Why is that? Because men hear this ALL OF THE TIME just like women hear about submission all of the time. Most men KNOW they are to provide for their wives and children. The problem is, we husbands can get so caught up in providing that we forget to do ALL the other things God has called us to do as husbands. And this is why our prayers can be hindered as stated in 1 Peter 3:7 if we are not doing our roles as we should.

Husbands if we honor our wives, if we treat and walk with our wives in an understanding way, if we remain TRULY FAITHFUL to our wives, lead and guide our wives in God’s truth as we should as well as provide for them etc, then we are loving our wives as Christ loves the church. Many husbands, I’m sure, do things differently than I do and that is why the way I run my household may not look like the household of another Godly husband but as long as we do our role, it doesn’t matter if husbands’ households look exactly the same. What matters is that we are fulfilling the commandments God has given us as husbands to do.

The way I treat my wife may be different than the way you treat your wife but as long as we are HONORING our wives then we are in obedience to the word of God. The way I provide for my wife and children may be different than the way another husband provides for his wife and children but as long as we husbands are providing for the needs of our wives and and children then we are in obedience to what the word of God commands us to do as husbands. Do you all see what I mean?

The biblical role of the husband is to be done regardless of the wife doing her role in the marriage. This is why we are commanded to give up OUR LIVES FOR OUR WIVES. I want to leave husbands with a small example of doing this in my own marriage before I end this post.

I can’t remember how long ago this happened but I came home extremely tired from working ALL DAY so I just wanted to get some rest. My wife had ALSO been working extremely hard all day with the children and keeping the house so she was just as tired as I was. The children, though very happy to see me, was pulling at me from every direction. My wife went to our bedroom to retreat just a bit before dinner but I TOO wanted to retreat and felt she should allow me a break since I had been working outside all day and was literally drained.

When I realized my wife had already retreated, I was not happy about it because I was thinking about how tired I was. My children were asking me questions, asking me to play with them, wanting me to get them things and more. But on top of that there was whining, a lot of noise, constantly needing me to get up and bathroom visits for my smaller two that only I or my wife could take care of. I felt as if I was going to BREAK. So I went to our bedroom and quickly said to my wife, “I need a break”. Without waiting for an answer, I hurried down the hall to our home office and immediately locked the door. I just knew I was about to breath a little bit and get myself together but the next thing I know, my wife was unlocking the door and she said, “Sorry honey but you can’t take a break right now. One of us has to be with the children and it’s not going to be me as I’ve been with them all day and I must have a moment to rest”.

I was REALLY upset. I began to justify why I should be the one to take the break and why she should instead be with the children a little longer. After all, I had been working hard all day outside of the home. So while in the middle of pleading my case to her, the Holy Spirit said very quietly, “Who’s commanded to give up their life for the other? You or your wife?” My lips ceased to move just like that. I could not say another word at that moment. My wife was looking at me wondering what was going on with me as I had cut myself off from pleading my case with instantaneous silence. I then said to her, “I’m sorry Babe. You get your rest and I will take care of them”. She looked puzzled but went to rest anyway.

Now please don’t miss the point of this post. MOST times I really do believe the husband who works outside of the home should be allowed to rest when he gets home from work but that can’t always be. Just because I believe that’s the way it should always be doesn’t mean that it will be because as the scripture says and as the Lord asked me, WHO did God call to die and give up their very life in the marriage? The Wife? No! The HUSBAND is required to give up his life for his wife! We were BOTH tired and beat but we have children to take care of. And it really was not about my wife having been with the children all day but more about was I going to deny myself for my wife to be OK. Was I going to put myself LAST in order for her to be FIRST and then my children? You may ask, “But where did you get strength from”? HA! FROM THE LORD! As I walked back to where our children were, I prayed a very QUICK prayer telling the Lord I needed Him more than ever so I would not lash out in frustration and tiredness towards my children. And did not the Lord do it? YES HE DID! His wisdom also set in where He gave me the idea to turn on a nice family movie, get some snacks and sit in our family room with our children. While they watched the movie, I got a chance to relax in God’s Grace WITH my children and got the break I needed after all.

That is an example of putting my wife BEFORE MYSELF and in the end God was GLORIFIED!!! Husbands I’m not saying it was easy because it wasn’t, but GOD GOT ME THROUGH. God HELPED ME to do my role when I did not want to. Does that mean my wife NEVER goes that extra mile for me at times and say, “I got this Babe; get some rest”? No because she does. But what I am saying is I am COMMANDED to give my life up for my wife not the other way around.

Husbands, God can help us to be the GODLY HUSBANDS He has called us to be because this can NOT be done in our own strength! We are too weak to do this alone. But that’s ok because when we are weak, WE ARE STRONG (2 Cor 12:10)! How? Because we are strong IN CHRIST! Be blessed My Brothers!

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