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“He Who Finds…” ~ PAV


To My Single Brothas..!

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from The Lord”.

Remember when you found those lost keys, that online info you needed, that coveted copy of Black Ops 3 at Best Buy, etc..? Well all that has something very important in common. Here’s my point…

Those things weren’t just sent to you, you had to FIND them. Well the same applies to having a wife: You must FIND her. God is not going to fax, UPS, FEDEX, or email her to you. The ONLY time The Most High ever brought a woman to a man was in the garden of Eden after Adam awoke from the sleep he was put in.
So go FIND her.

And don’t just find her to share a bed with her, use her up, then leave her. Find her to share a LIFE with her, and build a LEGACY with her. Because legacy isn’t built from fornication. ~ PAV





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“What Married Couples Don’t Tell Singles About Sexual Sin”! ~ PAV & OEV

PAV & OEV in black on steps for blog


PAV: When we married, we just knew sex was going to be the B to the O to the M to the B! BOMB! I mean we only knew of fornication, so we figured sex in marriage was going to be easier and much better since we already knew what to do. Boy were we wrong! And though we had repented of sexual sin before we married, we had not renewed our minds about sex. So what happened? We went into marriage with a skewed view of sex and thought that from our honeymoon night and thereon, we have nothing but magical nights of passionate love making, sex, getting our groove and more. But….that was not to be…at least not in the beginning.

Instead, what we found out was, sex in marriage is work just as with anything else. We also found out that Sex in marriage is TOTALLY different from fornication. Fornication is selfish but sex is selfless. So as a man who was now a husband, I had to learn how to please one woman and one woman ONLY for life. You would think when a man has had more than one sex partner when single that he would be experienced in sex when married. Boy was I wrong about that too. See, let’s just be real. When single men engage in fornication, they don’t really care about the woman’s feeling, emotions, orgasm or spirit. They mainly just want to get their own orgasm. Then they believe that since the woman made all kinds of sounds during fornication, that they performed great. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. How do I know this? Let’s let my wife take it from here.

OEV: Did you know studies have shown that 75% of all women who’s had sex have NEVER had an orgasm? So if that percentage is so high, what in God’s name is happening during all this sex where the women are screaming like the heavens are surrounding her bedroom during sexual intercourse? FAKING! Sooo then what happens? The ladies fornicate with these men, not really getting much out of sex unless there is oral sex, so then after displeasing sex she turns to self pleasure i.e. masturbation, to get what that man couldn’t give her; an orgasm . So now we have these men who are puffed up thinking they are God’s gift to women and then we have women who don’t really enjoy sex though they’ve been having lots of it. And in the end we have these same people getting married thinking one thing but experiencing something totally opposite. Then what do you end up having? Sexless marriages or unfulfilled sex lives in marriage. Don’t believe us? OK let us share quickly.


Out of all the topics we get emailed and inboxed on, the most is sex and that’s coming from both married and singles. But when it comes from married couples, almost 95% of those are coming from couples who are sexually frustrated. When we begin to get to the root of the problem, almost 99% of these couples fornicated before they married. Do you think that is a coincidence? I think not.

See, once my husband and I were married, we had to “unlearn” so much junk we had allowed in our minds and spirits about sex that we’ve had to literally learn from scratch on what sex really is. What we NEVER realized was that the things we did sexually before marriage would affect us after marriage, even after we repented. Doesn’t seem fair right? Well, fair or not, it affected us and not one married couple who fell into sexual sin before us EVER shared this with us. We had to find out the hard way that even after repentance there is something called “consequences”. And my goodness did those consequences cause problems in our marriage.

So we are telling singles right now that what you do sexually before marriage will affect you sexually in some way after marriage, even after you repent. And this is not just based on ourselves, this is also based on the hundreds of married people we’ve talked to privately about their sex lives and even statistics as well. One of the main things we’ve had to do in this ministry is counsel married couples’s sex life back to life. Why? Because just like us, they came into marriage thinking one thing about sex but finding out something totally different which caused so many sexual problems.

So with all of that being said, for one week, we will be candidly sharing something each day of what couples wish they knew about sex before they married so that we can help not only married couples but mostly singles who desire marriage. But guess what? You will not find these things on our page or site. Nope! LOL! In order to find out these things each day, you will have to subscribe to our mailing list right now.  All you have to do is go to the bottom of any of our site pages and sign up for our updates. That is the only way we will be sending this information to you is by email.

PAV & OEV: Those who are on our mailing lists received a special treat recently in that they shared a sexual sin they were dealing with and we responded to each one with a personalized video or audio. Yes, we took out time to do that but only for our email subscribers. So if you’re not already on our mailing list, then you need to get on our list today.

You’re going to enjoy these updates, we just know it! 🙂

We love you Fam! ~ Pastor Antonio Vance & Octavia E Vance (PAV & OEV)

“No Wasting Time Checking Wayward Women”! ~ OEV

When people ask me what would I do when or if wayward women flirt with my husband knowing he’s married, my answer is always the same…NOTHING! That’s not my place. It is my husband’s place to check wayward women, not mine. Point?

Wives, if you’re having to put up fb statuses telling other women not to flirt with your husband etc, imo, you are out of line as the problem is not with other women…it is with your husband.

Remember, our husbands are to be our earthly protectors, even in this. But if they are not doing their jobs in protecting you in this manner, then it is not your job to do their jobs for them.

So take this issue up with your husband and also pray, but never try to do his job. Instead, hold your husband accountable, take it to the Lord in prayer, reach out to the Elders/Older Godly Wives if need be, then sit back and sip your tea knowing The Most High covers you in these matters even if your husband does not . ~ OEV ‪#‎NoStress‬

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Please share this post with as MANY as you can!  Thank you!

“Men, Don’t Harness Her Gift”! ~ PAV

TRULY FAITHFUL lOVE IS PIC TWITTERMen, when you meet a woman operating in her purpose who you want to marry, remember not to harness her gift after marrying her. Women have purpose just like we do. And just because women will be help meets in Marriage God’s Way, doesn’t mean they can no longer fulfill their purpose when they marry or that their purpose is only to be your help meet. Let me explain.

When I met my wife, she was already operating in her purpose, bringing the word of God at her fellowship and to women. Even though I pursued her to be my wife and help meet, I understood that The Most High had a call on her life as well. She helped me in the ministry I had then and still have today, she works alongside me in this ministry we have together (Truly Faithful) and I support her in her ministry/purpose. I don’t harness her gift just because I need her to help me in ministry. She loves doing her role as help meet but she also loves doing what The Most High has called her to do alongside that.

This is just a reminder to men who will marry and even the men who are already married. While married, let our women help us in our ministries/purpose, while supporting their ministries/purposes as well. Remember, we are ONE in Christ and are BOTH heirs with Christ. Just a reminder! Be Encouraged Everyone!

“Love Her Like Christ”! ~ PAV



“A husband’s love for his wife should be just like Christ’s love for His bride”! ~ PAV

Eph 5:25 (NIV), “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

The way Christ loved the church is the standard in how husbands are to love their wives! If Christ doesn’t hit his bride, cheat on his bride, flirt with someone else’s bride, lie to His bride, neglect His bride or mistreat His bride, then husbands why should we?

We are to love our wives like Christ loves His bride. If we need any help in doing this we should go to the throne of the One who can help us. Let’s not think that to love our wives in this way is impossible because every command God gave us to do, is doable and not burdensome. Why? Because He will help us to do all that is required of us as husbands if we allow Him to help us.

Be encouraged Husbands! When we operate in Christ, it becomes our very nature to love our wives as we have been called to do because if we are believing husbands, we should be clothed with the one we believe in; which is Christ (Rom 13:14)!


1 John 5:3 (NLT), “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome”.

“Settle For Love”! ~ OEV

Office Warming Party

When I married my husband, I settled for love. It was either LOVE or nothing. There was no way I was going to settle for anything less than love when it came to marriage.

Yes I had my setbacks. Yes I had my bad decisions. And yes I had my terrible choices in men I’d dated in the past. But in the end when it came to walking down that aisle, it was for love or there would be no meeting at the altar for me with any man. If Love wasn’t at the altar then neither would I be.

There are, in my opinion, too many women settling for less than love. They settle for the sake of marrying to have children. They settle for a man with money who doesn’t love Christ. They settle for men who they think they can change. And too many settle for the first man who comes their way because they’re afraid no other man is coming. But when a woman settles for everything but love, often times she’s the one who loses out in the end.

One of the definitions of settle is “to make a life with”. So think about it this way. You’re going to “make a life with” a man who has money but doesn’t live for Christ? You’re going to “make a life” with a man who only makes you an option? You’re going to “make a life with” any man just so you can say you’re married? Or you’re going to “make a life with” a man who loves you and he proves it daily? Which one would you rather “make a life with”?

The point I’m making is ladies, you do have a choice in this matter. You can either settle for love or settle for NOTHING! If you know he’s not the right one for you, do not try to make up in your mind that he can be and then marry him anyway. You don’t know how many wives we have talked to who KNEW they shouldn’t marry the man they did but they did it anyway. Some were even going to back out right before the wedding but allowed themselves to be pressured into it because of all the wedding preparations that had already taken place and now they are married to men who horribly mistreat them and their children.

So I say to you single ladies, you really do have a choice. Yes I know you want to get married. Yes I understand you are ready to settle down and have children. And yes I know you are tired of abstaining but no matter I plead with you today to settle for love or nothing. Because Godly men who follow the Lord see their wives as beautiful gifts from God whom they LOVE with their very lives (Eph 5:25). Settle for Love and nothing less! Be Encouraged!

1 Cor 13:4-8 (NIV), “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. LOVE NEVER FAILS”!

Please share this with as MANY as you can! God bless you all!

“When It’s God”! ~ OEV


Many of you are coming upon marriage and that’s great because marriage is honorable but there are some of you who are marrying just to be marrying. Listen it’s really not our business as to why you are marrying. Whether you are feeling pressured or fearing that you won’t find anyone else who wants to marry you. Whether you are feeling you’re getting older so you need to go ahead and settle or that you’re ready to have children. No matter what it is, understand that when it comes to marriage, it should not be done in haste or out of fear.

Remember, when you marry, you are marrying a person you will share your life with. This person will see you at your best and at your worse. They will see all of your little habits that no one else sees on the regular. They will influence you spiritually just as you will influence them spiritually! There will be no other person on this earth you will be more intimate with; at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. So we encourage you not to jump into marriage just for the sake of marrying. You should want peace when it comes to choosing a mate as this is one surefire way in knowing when it’s God!

No matter what we do in this life, as born again believers, we should always want the approval of our Heavenly Father on anything we do. We pray about jobs, education and so many other things, so we should also pray about entering into life covenants. Because after coming to Christ, marriage is one of the biggest step we will take in this life.

When it’s God, your heart will not be troubled about who you are choosing to marry. When it’s God, the Holy Spirit will confirm it! When it’s God, even though you may be nervous, you will know that this person is the right one for you. When it’s God, you will be ready to marry this person, flaws and all. When it’s God, you’ll look forward to marriage with so much joy! When it’s God you will feel you have to marry this person because you love them just that much! When it’s God, no matter the struggles everything else will fall in line. It has to. Why? Because it’s God!

God will never have His hand on something that does not glorify Him! And even though marriage is honorable, you don’t want to go into it because of fear. You don’t want to marry just because your siblings and friends are already married and your family is pressuring you to marry. You don’t want to marry just because everyone’s telling you to, because in the end, it is YOU that will have to live with the person you choose for a mate.

So to all of you who are about to marry or who are contemplating on who to marry, know that when it’s God, not only will you have peace but EVERYTHING will work out because IT’S HIM! #MakeSure

Phil 4:6-7 (NIV), “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

Be encouraged by the scripture above that as you seek God, He will confirm in letting you know when it’s Him!

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Thanks Everyone!

“Marriage Does Not Cure Sexual Sin”! ~ OEV


“Marriage is not a cure for sexual sin! It is best to first repent of all sexual immorality before you enter into marriage so that you do not dishonor what God has called Honorable”! ~ OEV

Heb 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”.

One reason why there is so much divorce is because many people do not honor marriage. For if they did, they would not enter into something honorable with dishonorable baggage. Meaning they would not enter into marriage thinking marriage is the cure for being a whoremonger. Because if you have been fornicating and you have not repented of being a fornicator (whoremonger) before marriage, most often times you will become an adulterer after marriage. And remember adultery is not only physically cheating on your husband or wife but it also includes lusting after someone you are not married to (Matt 5:28).

Look at how many marriages among confessed believers are suffering from adultery which includes watching porn, lusting after those who they are not married to and all types of sexually immoral things. If many would trace back to their single lives, they would find unrepentant sexual sin even among those who’ve never had sex with anyone other than their spouse. Meaning there are many Christians who entered into marriage as virgins (never having actual intercourse) but they committed other sexually immoral acts that they never repented of. They just figured if they married, then all would be well. But they came to find out that in their marriages, there were issues of a sexual nature and most times it’s because they never dealt with the sexual sin they indulged in while they were single.

Take masturbating to porn for an example. Many believing singles did these things before marriage. So when they married, they thought they would never commit these acts again since they were now having sex with their spouse; yet they still find themselves masturbating to porn when their spouses are not around. You have to remember that what you do before marriage, you will do after marriage unless you repent. So if you were involved with masturbation and porn before you marry, you’ll be involved with it after you marry unless you repent of it.

Our point is marriage does not cure sexual sin. It was never created to cure or deliver you from sexual sin or any sin for that matter. Christ, not marriage, is the only one who can deliver or cure you from sexual sin but you must repent! And it is better to repent from sexual sin BEFORE you marry than to risk dishonoring your marriage by bringing unrepentant sexual sin into what is honorable.

We have shared this story many times before on our page and we will share some of it again for this post. Before I married, I repented of sexual sin with my husband but I had not repented of lust. So lust lied dormant in me the closer I got to marriage. But it wasn’t even a year into our marriage when lust rose from its dormancy and became fully functional into my life. It started with allowing a man to flirt with me. It continued into having impure thoughts about him. It then manifested itself more when I was going to meet him alone one day knowing what would happen.

To this very day, I am grateful to God that instead of going through with my demonic plans, I confessed to my husband. I am grateful to my husband that even though he was hurt, he prayed for me instead of putting me away. I am grateful to God for His Holy Spirit convicting me to come clean before acting out in the physical. In the end I was delivered completely from lust and it has never reared its ugly head in my marriage since because it’s been repented of, but look how it almost or could have ruined my marriage. Look how I hurt my husband. Look how I dishonored my marriage, my husband and more importantly my God with the look of the eye adultery. But God delivered me when I FINALLY repented!

So singles, please do not go into marriage thinking it will cure your sexual sin as I am a living witness it will not. Go to God and repent so that when you marry, you will not have to put your spouse, our God and even your marriage through the hardship you can avoid by repenting of any sexual sin NOW. I would even recommend that you be totally delivered from ALL sexual sin BEFORE you marry as this is one way to honor marriage while you are still single.

And for those who are married but still indulging in sexual sin, it’s time to go boldly before the throne of Grace, confess, repent and ask God to deliver you now. Don’t keep dishonoring what God has called honorable. Those of us who are married are to honor our marriages with true fidelity. And that means being Truly Faithful to our spouses with our bodies and our thoughts. And that we do not do anything that would dishonor our God, our spouse or our marriage.

I pray this helps those struggling with sexual sin whether single or married, for it’s time to repent and honor what God says is honorable!#RepentAndBeDelivered #HonorMarriage

This may be a hard message to take because MANY may have this issue, but share it anyway as it may be just what’s needed to help someone who’s been struggling with sexual sin! Thanks Fam!

“Marriage Is To Be Honored By ALL”! ~ PAV

Everyone is to respect (honor) marriage including the husband and wife in the marriage. The reason why others may not respect marriage is because some of us who are married may not respect our own marriage and we show our dishonor of it.

For example, if a husband or wife is cheating, then neither do they nor the person they are cheating with honors marriage. In other words, if a wife cheats on her husband with another man, neither the cheating wife or the other man respects or honors the marriage the wife is in nor do they respect or honor marriage in itself.

When singles fornicate with each other, they also do not honor marriage, for if they did, they would either marry or not fornicate. Many seem to think this scripture is just for those who are married and are doing marriage God’s way. No, this scripture was written for ALL! And it means you honor the marriages of others, you honor the marriage you are in or you honor marriage in itself that you either marry or remain a virgin outside of marriage.

God is the creator of marriage and if He says to honor it, then we are to obey and honor it. Whether we are married or not, we are not to dishonor what God created by fornicating or committing adultery. And that is why the scripture says in Heb 13:4 (NASB), “Marriage is to be held in honor AMONG ALL, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

When you honor marriage, what you are really doing is honoring what God has created and you’re also honoring the creator of marriage as well! #MarriageIsHonorable

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Be blessed everyone!

“Singles, Find Out What Pleases The Lord”! ~ PAV


Singles, be very careful with the terminology of “moving on from your “ex” and going straight to the “next”! In other words, be careful of repeating the same worldly patterns over and over again thinking it’s going to produce you a Godly mate! What you may not realize is that you are merely racking up “ex’s” and your “next’s” are becoming “ex’s” as well, yet there’s been no wedding bells at all! The world will have you thinking this is normal, but this is not normal for the born again believer. The born again believer is led by the Spirit and not led by the world. The Spirit will not have you continuing to date and date and date and then when you finally stop to look at your life, you have more ex’s than your age. Seriously! It’s time to find out what pleases the Lord for YOUR LIFE in this area.

When you were in the world, dating around was probably acceptable, but now that you know better because you know Christ, this pattern of casual dating and breaking up is no longer acceptable. It’s time to renew your mind on dating because it may very well be time to get rid of this “western practice” that often times does not lead to marriage but instead leads to more and more disappointments and heartaches. Let us explain!

When we met, we got to know each other a little over a year before committing to an exclusive relationship. This exclusive relationship that we committed to was after we decided that we were going to eventually marry each other. Although we had renewed our mind on dating, we had not learned how to court each other or as some would say, “date-to-marry”, so we had a few breakups along the way. Eventually we settled everything and married. So what are we getting at?

If we can save you all heartaches, time and more in this area, we will do so by sharing our “mess-ups” so you don’t have to go through the same things we went through. We are embarrassed to say that we dated too many people before we met each other. Though my wife has a better excuse as she was an unbeliever while she was in the “dating game”, I on the other hand was a believer just doing what I knew to do. Here in the states we are taught very early to date around in order to find a mate. But where is that even scriptural to do? Where is “boyfriend/girlfriend” in the word of God?

We have to live with the fact that there were others before us for the rest of our lives. But guess what? You all do not have to do what we did. You can start afresh or not even go down that road. We encourage singles to “get to know” their brother or sister in the Lord as simply FRIENDS before going further. Once you know each other as friends, then as you are led, you can determine if marriage to each other is what you both want. I’m pretty positive God does not want His children “practicing” for marriage by dating people who will eventually marry others. Because as we have said before, Marriage is not something you practice for, it’s something you PREPARE for!

So we are saying to renew your mind and seek the Lord on if you should date or not. We are certainly not saying dating is a sin but do you really want to go into Holy Matrimony with a track record of dating so many people you’ve had inappropriate relationships with? One of our biggest regrets is not learning what we are teaching you all today; that instead of dating around, it’s better to “get to know” each other with no strings attached and then only go forward when BOTH have agreed that marriage is the destination. It’s all up to you of course, but it never hurts to FIND OUT WHAT PLEASES THE LORD when it comes to dating! For it is He who knows ALL THINGS about your life anyway! #FindOut

Eph 5:8-10 (NIV), “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and FIND OUT WHAT PLEASES THE LORD”.

Rom 12:2 (NIV), “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will”. #FindOutWhatPleasesHim

Not the popular message, we know, but share it with as MANY as you can. Who knows who it may encourage in this area? Thanks everyone!