When you’re not lookin’ your best… When you’re not actin your best… When you’re coming up short in this marriage thing…and he still loves you anyway? That is priceless to me! I love my Man…because here lately, I ain’t been that Chic. But he’s been loving me as best as he can! And I have those moments where I’m over sensitive, where I overreact and where I seemingly lose my positioning. And even my husband can be the same way. I mean, there are times, he’s acting up just as much as I am. But we understand this one thing. Divorce is no longer an option. We took that option off the table in 2009 once we reconciled our marriage. So we know we gon’ work it out.
We came into the New Year with an issue. That issue started in late 2015 and followed us right into 2016. It’s been a thorn and then FINALLY, the thorn broke. But it broke off deep into our sides..like way off in there. Which means, no one on the outside could see it, but we both felt it and it hurt like hell and we were angry. So we had to take a break. A break from Scoping and a break from speaking together publicly. Why? Because when you got issues, you got to get those issues worked out BEFORE you get back out there together. Unfortunately yet fortunately, things don’t always get worked out as quickly as we want them to.
So we had to yield to the Spirit, but that was after we each had our say. Because at the end of our say we STILL didn’t agree. Then what? Most would say, “If you both don’t agree, then the wife submits and goes with the husband’s decision”. But where does it say that? That if the husband and wife do not agree, the wife just concedes and submits, especially when she’s already submitting? Where does it say that husband and wife just go with what the husband says when they both disagree or that he has the last say? What if he’s totally wrong? What if she’s being like Abigail and he’s being like Nabal, then what? (Thought provoking huh?)
Listen, please hear me clearly, the wife is always to submit to her husband…in everything. That’s the word. And the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church always. That’s also the word. But husband and wife will not always agree. And that doesn’t mean, both just go with what the husband says all the time. No, sometimes that means NO DECISION IS MADE until there is clarity. Where does clarity come from? The Most High! In what way? It can come in many ways. Through His word, by His Holy Spirit, in prayer, through wise counsel or more. So once that thorn broke off deep into our sides, there was more pain and we just had to get it out! My husband spoke his peace and I spoke mine. We still didn’t agree. I said my peace again, he said his peace again and yet again we still didn’t agree. I prayed, he prayed, opposition was still in the mist.
So it happened! The ish hit the fan and we had some words.
He walked to cool off and I calmed down. The small break did us both good as I texted my mentor what happened and then called my best friend at 7am to ask her to pray for us. And then sometime after that, I texted my husband and he responded. I wanted my man to forgive me. He wanted his woman to forgive him. So we apologized. The more we apologized through texts, the more the thorn that was once deep in our sides started to protrude from our sides. It could be seen clearly now. When he walked in the door and hugged me, the thorn began to come our more. When he kissed me, the thorn was easing its way out of our sides. When we stood before our children to apologize for arguing to where they could overhear, the thorn began to break apart. When we allowed them to speak on how they felt about our disagreement, the thorn started crumbling from our sides, falling to the floor while leaving an open womb. But when we prayed as a family, our sides began to heal right as we prayed. We could feel the overwhelming power of being healed! HalleluYah!
There’s still a scar on our sides. It’s visible when you look there, but it’s HEALED! The thorn in our sides that hindered us in the last part of 2015 and followed us into 2016 is finally gone. It didn’t get removed just because the new year started. It didn’t get removed just because we’re believers. It didn’t get removed because we said our “sorry’s”.. No, it finally got removed when we apologized, confessed to each other our wrongs, repented to one another and then turned around and confessed to our children, allowed them to tell us how they felt about Daddy and Mommy arguing and then prayed together as a family. In other words, it was removed when we finally gave up having our way and let The Most High have His way…even though it was through a series of events.
It took disagreeing last year, praying together, seeking counsel, asking others for prayer, getting more wise counsel, still disagreeing this year, getting heated, cooling off, making up, confessing and then praying together to get our thorn removed. Do I like that it took all of that? Well for the most part I would say no. Why? Because honestly, we just want to get it right, right then. I mean, we don’t really want to go through all of that just to get it right. Who does? But this is marriage. And this is growth of two imperfect people who love each other and The Most High. This is one way we learn when we are wrong and we miss it and we need grace. Not only from The Father but from one another. Arguing to where your children can hear you is a big no no to us, straight up. But it happened. And we let it happen. And we are firm believers that if we miss it in front of our children, then we better make it right in front of our children. This keeps them secure in knowing Daddy and Mommy aren’t perfect, but we make our wrongs right and we love each other and we love them too. They get to see up close and personal how marriage God’s way really is. WORK! But we love to work it and our children are here because of our “love work“.
So to married couples who miss the mark. You know…the few of you out there like us, (as all others are perfect right? 😉 ), please understand that just because there’s a thorn in your sides right now and you’re at odds with each other, doesn’t mean you won’t work it out. Sometimes, you just need a little more time as not everything is worked out overnight. Let love have its perfect work and please remember it’s love that covers a multitude of sin. Even the “we missed the mark in front of our children” sin and the “we can’t seemingly agree on this no matter what” sin.
What you see in this picture is a couple who understands His grace; who understand that peace normally comes after a storm but that we’re willing to go through the storm to get to that peace. Even if it means cleaning up the debris from the storm WE caused. Be Encouraged Couples! ~ OEV
Prov 28:13, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy”. (I thank The Most High for His mercy indeed).
1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. 🙂