“Marriage or Nah”? ~ OEV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Dating & Courtship, Legacy Building, Marriage, Married Couples, Men, Singleness, Women

 

evernote-pav-pray-with-vforce-babies-pic
I know, I know…I was supposed to be praying too but I just had to capture the moment.  To open my eyes, grab my phone and snap a pic of my husband praying with our children before bed is one of those moments that lets me know we got it right.  Yeah…we did.
What did we get right?  We did something different to meet someone different.  We put our cards on the table from jump.  No surprises, no second guessing.  From the moment we first talked we made it clear that it was “Marriage or Nah”.  We got to know each other with no strings attached for a year even tho PAV was tryna marry me within the first months of meeting lol (You gotta know the whole story tho).  There was no kissing, no making out, no nothing during that “getting to know stage”.  Straight acquaintances with a mission of “friends who could possibly marry” was the deal.  That way if we weren’t feeling each other, we could move along without any emotional or sexual ties.
We became exclusive after that first year.  When he would take me to his church he made it known I was that chick.  You know, ‘His Lady’.  And my goodness did I love the way he would introduce me to “the church”.  The church who would judge me prematurely and sometimes un-righteously because I wasn’t raised in the church like him, wasn’t C.O.G.I.C. like him and definitely wasn’t “saved like him”.  But I was on his arm because he chose me. And what many didn’t realize was that I received his choice and chose him in return. It wasn’t one sided.  It was very mutual.  I had to win his parents over being that I was not the church girl type but winning them over was worth the man.
2 years later after many “dating trials”, he made it official and gave me the ring…proposing to me while we were watching the airplanes land and take off.  We had some trials while engaged but I was here for it, so we married 2 years later.  Can’t believe I was really tryna divorce him 5 years after.  But here we are…married still.  12 years in the deal.  Husband and wife for real for real.  With five beautiful babies we pray for, who we slay for and are steadily paving the way for.
So to be at a point where I watch this man I said Yes to pray with all of our children is a moment I had to capture. Not for my sake or yours but more so for my children’s sake. So that when they’re older they’ll always have this moment in print. Tho our 2 and 4 year old may not remember this, they’ll be able to see this pic and have this moment for life and see that…their parents really did do something right. We found one another, observed each other. Sealed the deal with each other. Then brought each of our children into this world and declared we would raise them up in the admonition of The Most High and teach them His ways. And it didn’t start that night. It started in July 1999, became serious in August 2000, made official in July 2002 and finalized in May 2004. Then we started our legacy in 2006, continued it in 2008, added to it in 2010, filled it more in 2012 and built it higher in 2014. Whoooo! We got a lot to do right? So what’s my point in all this right? What is OEV getting at?
evernote-vforce-fam-renewal-red

My point is to get to this moment…to get this right…to be here in all of this right now today, we had to declare from the beginning that it was “Marriage or Nah”.And this is also what we’re showing our children. I mean, who has that kinda time to be wasting on “Nah” when time is pointing to Marriage? Who has that kinda heart to keep putting up with “Nah” when the heart is desiring Marriage? I mean really tho…who has that kinda strength to continually be weakened on “Nah” when it wants to be stronger in Marriage? I didn’t. And neither do you.

You’re single and you desire marriage..then it’s time to get a “Marriage or Nah” mentality about your life right now. This doesn’t mean nothing else matters, it simply means that the foolishness that comes with “Nah” is over and no longer needs your energy. I gave lots of details above to share our history together. Sure we had some ups and downs along the way, but we were still throwing up “Marriage or Nah” through it all.

marriage-or-nah-both

You no longer have time to waste, you no longer have a heart to be broken by people playing games and you no longer have the strength to put towards “Nah”. Instead set some #MarriageGoals and then spend some time working towards those goals. It’s OK to want it, think of it, prepare for it and desire it. It’s honorable remember? So to desire something honorable is actually a very beautiful thing. But you gotta let go of the “Nah” because it’s possibly holding you up from what you truly desire..Marriage.

And last thing, if you’re Married, work to stay together. Remember divorce is nothing more than a “Nah” but in a different context. Not saying all marriages will work out, but at the very least give it your all and work to stay together as best as YOU can so that no matter what happens, you know you was all about that Marriage life! ? ~ OEV

Did I say something that blessed you?  Confused you?  Hit a nerve or inspired you!  Leave a comment and let me know.  I assure you of a timely response.  Love you Fam .  ?
PS  Hey Ladies…wanna join me in my private Facebook group for Queens only?  Click here and join me NOW.  See you there.

 

The Building of a Nation Starts with YOU!

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Marriage, Family, Husbands, Legacy Building, Marriage, Married Couples, Men, Uncategorized, Wives, Women

“Men, I believe if we teach our sons how to be providers as they become men, how to treat women, how to be in control of their sexuality, how to value their purity as young boys, how to be leaders in their homes and communities, how to operate in their God given masculinity, while also teaching our sons to honor marriage, we will help greatly in decreasing the many fatherless, broken and dysfunctional homes we have in this world today, especially in our own communities”. ~ PAV

“Women, I believe if we teach our daughters to know their worth, to value their sexuality and their bodies, to empower them in their educational creativity, to help them understand that being a help meet is a strong active role in society as a whole, not a weak, inactive one only done in marriage, how to honor marriage while also teaching our daughters to support masculinity while operating fully in their God given femininity, we will help greatly in decreasing the epidemic of leaving legacies of broken relationships, out of wedlock births and extreme poverty”. ~ OEV

“Men and Women, we believe in being Faithful to Marriage, Faithful to Family and Faithful to Legacy (Building). In order to have healthy marriages, strong and loving families and positive legacies tomorrow, it starts with building our marriage, our family and our legacy TODAY”!

We’re already doing this and are working to do it even better. Have you started? Are you doing your part?  What steps are you taking to get this done?  Comment and let us know! ~ PAV &OEV

 

Psalm 112:1-3, “Praise the Lord!  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments!  His offspring will be mighty in the land, the generation of the upright will be blessed.  Wealth and riches are in His house and His righteousness endures forever”.

Psalm 78:4, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done”.

Deut 6:5-7, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise”.

 

 

Wanna join OEV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Women?  Sign up here.

 

Wanna join PAV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Men?  Sign up here.

“The Removal of A Thorn”! ~ OEV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Family, Husbands, Marriage, Married Couples, Wives

PAV & OEV PIC FOR POST 2016 jpg

When you’re not lookin’ your best…  When you’re not actin your best… When you’re coming up short in this marriage thing…and he still loves you anyway?  That is priceless to me!  I love my Man…because here lately, I ain’t been that Chic.  But he’s been loving me as best as he can!  And I have those moments where I’m over sensitive, where I overreact and where I seemingly lose my positioning.  And even my husband can be the same way.  I mean, there are times, he’s acting up just as much as I am.  But we understand this one thing. Divorce is no longer an option.  We took that option off the table in 2009 once we reconciled our marriage.  So we know we gon’ work it out.

We came into the New Year with an issue.  That issue started in late 2015 and followed us right into 2016.  It’s been a thorn and then FINALLY, the thorn broke.  But it broke off deep into our sides..like way off in there.  Which means, no one on the outside could see it, but we both felt it and it hurt like hell and we were angry.  So we had to take a break.  A break from Scoping and a break from speaking together publicly.  Why?  Because when you got issues, you got to get those issues worked out BEFORE you get back out there together.  Unfortunately yet fortunately, things don’t always get worked out as quickly as we want them to.

 

So we had to yield to the Spirit, but that was after we each had our say.  Because at the end of our say we STILL didn’t agree.  Then what?  Most would say, “If you both don’t agree, then the wife submits and goes with the husband’s decision”.  But where does it say that?  That if the husband and wife do not agree, the wife just concedes and submits, especially when she’s already submitting?  Where does it say that husband and wife just go with what the husband says when they both disagree or that he has the last say?  What if he’s totally wrong?  What if she’s being like Abigail and he’s being like Nabal, then what?  (Thought provoking huh?)

 

Listen, please hear me clearly, the wife is always to submit to her husband…in everything.  That’s the word.  And the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church always.  That’s also the word.  But husband and wife will not always agree.  And that doesn’t mean, both just go with what the husband says all the time.  No, sometimes that means NO DECISION IS MADE until there is clarity.  Where does clarity come from?  The Most High!  In what way?  It can come in many ways.  Through His word, by His Holy Spirit, in prayer, through wise counsel or more.  So once that thorn broke off deep into our sides, there was more pain and we just had to get it out!  My husband spoke his peace and I spoke mine.  We still didn’t agree.  I said my peace again, he said his peace again and yet again we still didn’t agree.  I prayed, he prayed, opposition was still in the mist.

 

So it happened!  The ish hit the fan and we had some words.

 

 

He walked to cool off and I calmed down.  The small break did us both good as I texted my mentor what happened and then called my best friend at 7am to ask her to pray for us.  And then sometime after that, I texted my husband and he responded.  I wanted my man to forgive me.  He wanted his woman to forgive him.  So we apologized.  The more we apologized through texts, the more the thorn that was once deep in our sides started to protrude from our sides.  It could be seen clearly now.  When he walked in the door and hugged me, the thorn began to come our more.  When he kissed me, the thorn was easing its way out of our sides.  When we stood before our children to apologize for arguing to where they could overhear, the thorn began to break apart.  When we allowed them to speak on how they felt about our disagreement, the thorn started crumbling from our sides, falling to the floor while leaving an open womb.  But when we prayed as a family, our sides began to heal right as we prayed.  We could feel the overwhelming power of being healed!  HalleluYah!

 

There’s still a scar on our sides.  It’s visible when you look there, but it’s HEALED!  The thorn in our sides that hindered us in the last part of 2015 and followed us into 2016 is finally gone.  It didn’t get removed just because the new year started.  It didn’t get removed just because we’re believers.  It didn’t get removed because we said our “sorry’s”..  No, it finally got removed when we apologized, confessed to each other our wrongs, repented to one another and then turned around and confessed to our children, allowed them to tell us how they felt about Daddy and Mommy arguing and then prayed together as a family.  In other words, it was removed when we finally gave up having our way and let The Most High have His way…even though it was through a series of events.

 

It took disagreeing last year, praying together, seeking counsel, asking others for prayer, getting more wise counsel, still disagreeing this year, getting heated, cooling off, making up, confessing and then praying together to get our thorn removed.  Do I like that it took all of that?  Well for the most part I would say no.  Why?  Because honestly, we just want to get it right, right then.  I mean, we don’t really want to go through all of that just to get it right.  Who does?  But this is marriage.  And this is growth of two imperfect people who love each other and The Most High.  This is one way we learn when we are wrong and we miss it and we need grace.  Not only from The Father but from one another.  Arguing to where your children can hear you is a big no no to us, straight up.  But it happened.  And we let it happen.  And we are firm believers that if we miss it in front of our children, then we better make it right in front of our children.  This keeps them secure in knowing Daddy and Mommy aren’t perfect, but we make our wrongs right and we love each other and we love them too.  They get to see up close and personal how marriage God’s way really is.  WORK!  But we love to work it and our children are here because of our “love work“.

 

So to married couples who miss the mark.  You know…the few of you out there like us, (as all others are perfect right? 😉 ), please understand that just because there’s a thorn in your sides right now and you’re at odds with each other, doesn’t mean you won’t work it out.  Sometimes, you just need a little more time as not everything is worked out overnight.  Let love have its perfect work and please remember it’s love that covers a multitude of sin.  Even the “we missed the mark in front of our children” sin and the “we can’t seemingly agree on this no matter what” sin.

What you see in this picture is a couple who understands His grace; who understand that peace normally comes after a storm but that we’re willing to go through the storm to get to that peace.  Even if it means cleaning up the debris from the storm WE caused.  Be Encouraged Couples! ~ OEV

 

Prov 28:13, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy”.  (I thank The Most High for His mercy indeed).

 

1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  🙂

“What Married Couples Don’t Tell Singles About Sexual Sin”! ~ PAV & OEV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Married Couples, SEX, Sex in Marriage, Singles and Sex

PAV & OEV in black on steps for blog

 

PAV: When we married, we just knew sex was going to be the B to the O to the M to the B! BOMB! I mean we only knew of fornication, so we figured sex in marriage was going to be easier and much better since we already knew what to do. Boy were we wrong! And though we had repented of sexual sin before we married, we had not renewed our minds about sex. So what happened? We went into marriage with a skewed view of sex and thought that from our honeymoon night and thereon, we have nothing but magical nights of passionate love making, sex, getting our groove and more. But….that was not to be…at least not in the beginning.

Instead, what we found out was, sex in marriage is work just as with anything else. We also found out that Sex in marriage is TOTALLY different from fornication. Fornication is selfish but sex is selfless. So as a man who was now a husband, I had to learn how to please one woman and one woman ONLY for life. You would think when a man has had more than one sex partner when single that he would be experienced in sex when married. Boy was I wrong about that too. See, let’s just be real. When single men engage in fornication, they don’t really care about the woman’s feeling, emotions, orgasm or spirit. They mainly just want to get their own orgasm. Then they believe that since the woman made all kinds of sounds during fornication, that they performed great. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. How do I know this? Let’s let my wife take it from here.

OEV: Did you know studies have shown that 75% of all women who’s had sex have NEVER had an orgasm? So if that percentage is so high, what in God’s name is happening during all this sex where the women are screaming like the heavens are surrounding her bedroom during sexual intercourse? FAKING! Sooo then what happens? The ladies fornicate with these men, not really getting much out of sex unless there is oral sex, so then after displeasing sex she turns to self pleasure i.e. masturbation, to get what that man couldn’t give her; an orgasm . So now we have these men who are puffed up thinking they are God’s gift to women and then we have women who don’t really enjoy sex though they’ve been having lots of it. And in the end we have these same people getting married thinking one thing but experiencing something totally opposite. Then what do you end up having? Sexless marriages or unfulfilled sex lives in marriage. Don’t believe us? OK let us share quickly.

 

Out of all the topics we get emailed and inboxed on, the most is sex and that’s coming from both married and singles. But when it comes from married couples, almost 95% of those are coming from couples who are sexually frustrated. When we begin to get to the root of the problem, almost 99% of these couples fornicated before they married. Do you think that is a coincidence? I think not.

See, once my husband and I were married, we had to “unlearn” so much junk we had allowed in our minds and spirits about sex that we’ve had to literally learn from scratch on what sex really is. What we NEVER realized was that the things we did sexually before marriage would affect us after marriage, even after we repented. Doesn’t seem fair right? Well, fair or not, it affected us and not one married couple who fell into sexual sin before us EVER shared this with us. We had to find out the hard way that even after repentance there is something called “consequences”. And my goodness did those consequences cause problems in our marriage.

So we are telling singles right now that what you do sexually before marriage will affect you sexually in some way after marriage, even after you repent. And this is not just based on ourselves, this is also based on the hundreds of married people we’ve talked to privately about their sex lives and even statistics as well. One of the main things we’ve had to do in this ministry is counsel married couples’s sex life back to life. Why? Because just like us, they came into marriage thinking one thing about sex but finding out something totally different which caused so many sexual problems.

So with all of that being said, for one week, we will be candidly sharing something each day of what couples wish they knew about sex before they married so that we can help not only married couples but mostly singles who desire marriage. But guess what? You will not find these things on our page or site. Nope! LOL! In order to find out these things each day, you will have to subscribe to our mailing list right now.  All you have to do is go to the bottom of any of our site pages and sign up for our updates. That is the only way we will be sending this information to you is by email.

PAV & OEV: Those who are on our mailing lists received a special treat recently in that they shared a sexual sin they were dealing with and we responded to each one with a personalized video or audio. Yes, we took out time to do that but only for our email subscribers. So if you’re not already on our mailing list, then you need to get on our list today.

You’re going to enjoy these updates, we just know it! 🙂

We love you Fam! ~ Pastor Antonio Vance & Octavia E Vance (PAV & OEV)

“No Wasting Time Checking Wayward Women”! ~ OEV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Married Couples, Wives

When people ask me what would I do when or if wayward women flirt with my husband knowing he’s married, my answer is always the same…NOTHING! That’s not my place. It is my husband’s place to check wayward women, not mine. Point?

Wives, if you’re having to put up fb statuses telling other women not to flirt with your husband etc, imo, you are out of line as the problem is not with other women…it is with your husband.

Remember, our husbands are to be our earthly protectors, even in this. But if they are not doing their jobs in protecting you in this manner, then it is not your job to do their jobs for them.

So take this issue up with your husband and also pray, but never try to do his job. Instead, hold your husband accountable, take it to the Lord in prayer, reach out to the Elders/Older Godly Wives if need be, then sit back and sip your tea knowing The Most High covers you in these matters even if your husband does not . ~ OEV ‪#‎NoStress‬

Want to read more life changing and impacting posts like these? Purchase our book WHEN LOVE STANDS now by going to WhenLoveStands.com

Please share this post with as MANY as you can!  Thank you!

“Love Her Like Christ”! ~ PAV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Husbands, Married Couples

 

LOVE HER...

“A husband’s love for his wife should be just like Christ’s love for His bride”! ~ PAV

Eph 5:25 (NIV), “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

The way Christ loved the church is the standard in how husbands are to love their wives! If Christ doesn’t hit his bride, cheat on his bride, flirt with someone else’s bride, lie to His bride, neglect His bride or mistreat His bride, then husbands why should we?

We are to love our wives like Christ loves His bride. If we need any help in doing this we should go to the throne of the One who can help us. Let’s not think that to love our wives in this way is impossible because every command God gave us to do, is doable and not burdensome. Why? Because He will help us to do all that is required of us as husbands if we allow Him to help us.

Be encouraged Husbands! When we operate in Christ, it becomes our very nature to love our wives as we have been called to do because if we are believing husbands, we should be clothed with the one we believe in; which is Christ (Rom 13:14)!

#ItTakesChristToLoveOurWivesRight

1 John 5:3 (NLT), “Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome”.

“Marriage Is To Be Honored By ALL”! ~ PAV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Marriage, Married Couples, Men, Singleness, Uncategorized, Women

Everyone is to respect (honor) marriage including the husband and wife in the marriage. The reason why others may not respect marriage is because some of us who are married may not respect our own marriage and we show our dishonor of it.

For example, if a husband or wife is cheating, then neither do they nor the person they are cheating with honors marriage. In other words, if a wife cheats on her husband with another man, neither the cheating wife or the other man respects or honors the marriage the wife is in nor do they respect or honor marriage in itself.

When singles fornicate with each other, they also do not honor marriage, for if they did, they would either marry or not fornicate. Many seem to think this scripture is just for those who are married and are doing marriage God’s way. No, this scripture was written for ALL! And it means you honor the marriages of others, you honor the marriage you are in or you honor marriage in itself that you either marry or remain a virgin outside of marriage.

God is the creator of marriage and if He says to honor it, then we are to obey and honor it. Whether we are married or not, we are not to dishonor what God created by fornicating or committing adultery. And that is why the scripture says in Heb 13:4 (NASB), “Marriage is to be held in honor AMONG ALL, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

When you honor marriage, what you are really doing is honoring what God has created and you’re also honoring the creator of marriage as well! #MarriageIsHonorable

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Be blessed everyone!

Biblical Roles of Marriage Part III: “The Role of A Godly Husband.” #2 ~ PAV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Marriage, Husbands, Married Couples, Men

Merry Christmas!

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB), “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and SHOW HER HONOR as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered”.

In 1 Peter 3:7, the word HONOR really stands out when referenced as how husbands are to be with their wives. The word ‘honor’ means ‘high respect, as for worth, merit, or rank: such respect manifested: high public esteem’. It’s important that husbands understand this because a husband who HONORS his wife will NEVER cheat on her. A husband who HONORS his wife will ALWAYS provide for her as best as he can. A husband who HONORS his wife will not abuse her. Why? Because a husband who HONORS his wife respects his wife HIGHLY as the gift from God that she is!

When I was a newlywed, I was at work one day thinking about the argument my wife and I had earlier that morning. While I was working the Lord began to speak to me about the way I saw my wife. All of a suddenly, I saw a picture of a vase. The vase looked so delicate and very expensive. The Lord then asked me how much did I think the vase was worth. Without hesitating I said out-loud to the Lord, “PRICELESS”. Then the Lord told me that the vase represented MY WIFE! Everything hit me SO HARD as I realized I had not been treating my wife like the delicacy that she is. Her worth is FAR ABOVE RUBIES (Prov 31:10). Not just to me but TO GOD! God is SERIOUS about the way His sons treat His daughters! Yes my wife and I share in the “grace of life” and yes we BOTH serve God individually as well as together but God has called me as her husband to HONOR HER! And I am to honor her above ALL OTHERS ON THIS EARTH as she is the ONE I am in covenant with.

To this day I have definitely missed the mark many times with treating my wife with the honor I am supposed to. And the interesting thing is whether my wife submits to me or not, reverences me or not or obeys me or not, I am STILL to HONOR her in our marriage as MY WIFE!

In my HONEST opinion, this is where so many believing husbands miss it and miss it often. We think that we are to be honored by our wives yet we forget God has called us to also honor our wives. Not only that, we are to dwell with our wives in an understanding way. Col 3:19 tells us husbands AGAIN to love our wives but also not to be harsh with them. God has a way he wants us to be with our wives DAILY! I have failed at this many times but as I grow, I am reminded of the delicate vase God showed me as a newlywed.

If you noticed in yesterday’s write-up as well as this one, I don’t mention much about the husband providing. Why is that? Because men hear this ALL OF THE TIME just like women hear about submission all of the time. Most men KNOW they are to provide for their wives and children. The problem is, we husbands can get so caught up in providing that we forget to do ALL the other things God has called us to do as husbands. And this is why our prayers can be hindered as stated in 1 Peter 3:7 if we are not doing our roles as we should.

Husbands if we honor our wives, if we treat and walk with our wives in an understanding way, if we remain TRULY FAITHFUL to our wives, lead and guide our wives in God’s truth as we should as well as provide for them etc, then we are loving our wives as Christ loves the church. Many husbands, I’m sure, do things differently than I do and that is why the way I run my household may not look like the household of another Godly husband but as long as we do our role, it doesn’t matter if husbands’ households look exactly the same. What matters is that we are fulfilling the commandments God has given us as husbands to do.

The way I treat my wife may be different than the way you treat your wife but as long as we are HONORING our wives then we are in obedience to the word of God. The way I provide for my wife and children may be different than the way another husband provides for his wife and children but as long as we husbands are providing for the needs of our wives and and children then we are in obedience to what the word of God commands us to do as husbands. Do you all see what I mean?

The biblical role of the husband is to be done regardless of the wife doing her role in the marriage. This is why we are commanded to give up OUR LIVES FOR OUR WIVES. I want to leave husbands with a small example of doing this in my own marriage before I end this post.

I can’t remember how long ago this happened but I came home extremely tired from working ALL DAY so I just wanted to get some rest. My wife had ALSO been working extremely hard all day with the children and keeping the house so she was just as tired as I was. The children, though very happy to see me, was pulling at me from every direction. My wife went to our bedroom to retreat just a bit before dinner but I TOO wanted to retreat and felt she should allow me a break since I had been working outside all day and was literally drained.

When I realized my wife had already retreated, I was not happy about it because I was thinking about how tired I was. My children were asking me questions, asking me to play with them, wanting me to get them things and more. But on top of that there was whining, a lot of noise, constantly needing me to get up and bathroom visits for my smaller two that only I or my wife could take care of. I felt as if I was going to BREAK. So I went to our bedroom and quickly said to my wife, “I need a break”. Without waiting for an answer, I hurried down the hall to our home office and immediately locked the door. I just knew I was about to breath a little bit and get myself together but the next thing I know, my wife was unlocking the door and she said, “Sorry honey but you can’t take a break right now. One of us has to be with the children and it’s not going to be me as I’ve been with them all day and I must have a moment to rest”.

I was REALLY upset. I began to justify why I should be the one to take the break and why she should instead be with the children a little longer. After all, I had been working hard all day outside of the home. So while in the middle of pleading my case to her, the Holy Spirit said very quietly, “Who’s commanded to give up their life for the other? You or your wife?” My lips ceased to move just like that. I could not say another word at that moment. My wife was looking at me wondering what was going on with me as I had cut myself off from pleading my case with instantaneous silence. I then said to her, “I’m sorry Babe. You get your rest and I will take care of them”. She looked puzzled but went to rest anyway.

Now please don’t miss the point of this post. MOST times I really do believe the husband who works outside of the home should be allowed to rest when he gets home from work but that can’t always be. Just because I believe that’s the way it should always be doesn’t mean that it will be because as the scripture says and as the Lord asked me, WHO did God call to die and give up their very life in the marriage? The Wife? No! The HUSBAND is required to give up his life for his wife! We were BOTH tired and beat but we have children to take care of. And it really was not about my wife having been with the children all day but more about was I going to deny myself for my wife to be OK. Was I going to put myself LAST in order for her to be FIRST and then my children? You may ask, “But where did you get strength from”? HA! FROM THE LORD! As I walked back to where our children were, I prayed a very QUICK prayer telling the Lord I needed Him more than ever so I would not lash out in frustration and tiredness towards my children. And did not the Lord do it? YES HE DID! His wisdom also set in where He gave me the idea to turn on a nice family movie, get some snacks and sit in our family room with our children. While they watched the movie, I got a chance to relax in God’s Grace WITH my children and got the break I needed after all.

That is an example of putting my wife BEFORE MYSELF and in the end God was GLORIFIED!!! Husbands I’m not saying it was easy because it wasn’t, but GOD GOT ME THROUGH. God HELPED ME to do my role when I did not want to. Does that mean my wife NEVER goes that extra mile for me at times and say, “I got this Babe; get some rest”? No because she does. But what I am saying is I am COMMANDED to give my life up for my wife not the other way around.

Husbands, God can help us to be the GODLY HUSBANDS He has called us to be because this can NOT be done in our own strength! We are too weak to do this alone. But that’s ok because when we are weak, WE ARE STRONG (2 Cor 12:10)! How? Because we are strong IN CHRIST! Be blessed My Brothers!

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