“The Consequences of Sexual Sin: We will REAP What We SOW”! ~ PAV


Shortly after we were married, when it came to sex, I was trying to do all the things I had done when I was a fornicator. Although we repented for our sexual sins before marriage there were still CONSEQUENCES for those sins that we had to deal with after marriage. Why? Because no matter the sin, there will ALWAYS be consequences to sin, whether big or small. So once after sex as newlyweds, my wife rolled over towards the wall and didn’t say a word so I went to sleep. About an hour or so later she woke me up to talk. We ended up talking for hours because she shared with me all the things she did not like, how disappointed she was after sex because she did not climax and she also confessed how she would sometimes fake orgasms for fear of hurting my feelings. I was hurt and a little embarrassed but I had to take it like a man and own up to the fact that I had NO CLUE about what sex in marriage was. I only knew how to fornicate, not have sex. And where did I learn to fornicate? From porn and selfish acts of fornication with other women before I married. My wife was also learning how to please me as well but to be honest, it was so easy for me to climax so I had to LEARN how to slow down so that I could finish what I started with my wife and not before my wife! I did not get this overnight, but we both enjoyed learning together how to please each other and we still work at this now.

Now what were the consequences of our sexual sin? Well one is we can not say we are the only ones we’ve ever been with sexually. You only get one life and that is the story of ours. Also, when our children are older, we will have to admit to them as we raise them in purity that we didn’t make it before marriage, and we are not looking forward to that. And even though God restored us to make it feel like we were virgins again, we had to unlearn so much junk that we learned from the world. But the biggest one and the one we both hated the most was, sometimes in the middle of sex we would have to cast down thoughts of those we had fornicated with in the past. I absolutely HATED those moments. But this is why we stress abstaining and renewing your minds for those who have fallen into fornication because that is what it took for us to be able to forget those images. It’s to the point now that I only have sexually images of being with my wife! (Thank you Lord).

Now I want to talk to men for a minute. Some of you may think it’s cool to fornicate, but I assure you, when you find the right one for you and you marry her, you will have to face the consequences for the sexual sins you commit before marriage unless you repent now. I am man enough to say that I did NOT know how to please my wife sexually in marriage, I only knew how to please MYSELF. But God restored me after I repented and I was able to fully learn together with my wife. Can I just be honest with you all and tell you we had some very awkward moments during the learning process? Sometimes I wouldn’t hear my wife say a thing during sex and I wondered why. So when I would ask she would say, “Well I’m trying not to fake it”! LOL! We can laugh about it now, but then it hurt my manhood deep. *hits my chest three times* LOL! And that is why we talk before, during and after sex because we both want to make sure we are pleasing each other. Fornication can cause men especially to become very selfish because when you’re fornicating you are about “getting yours”. So if you carry those worldly, carnal, sinful acts of whoring into your marriage, you can defile the marriage bed and end up not pleasing your wife. You will find that there cannot be GREAT SEX until you renew your mind on what sex really is; an act of worship with your spouse before The Most High. Once you experience that, you will NEVER go back to the sinful things you did in the world.

There are many other consequences of sexual sin and some we dealt with before marriage so they did not follow us into marriage. But the best news of the day is that God can restore us when we truly repent. We are the testimonies of how God can restore His people when it comes to sex in marriage. It’s time to be restored and made whole from sexual sin! So confess, repent, renew your mind and GO AND SIN NO MORE!

Gal 6:7-8, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life”.

Rom 6:21, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death”!

John 5:14, “Behold, thou art made whole: SIN NO MORE, lest a worse thing come unto thee”.

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“Take the Beam Out of Your Eye, Single Ladies”! ~ OEV

BEAM in your eye

In April 2004, I told my husband that I wanted to wait another year before we got married. I was wanting to accomplish some goals in my finances, school and my career before I married him. I believed since my husband had been with me through so much in the almost 5 years we had known each other at that time, that he wouldn’t mind waiting one more year.

My husband said to me “I don’t know if I’m going to be around to wait on you for another year. If we don’t get married this year, I can’t say that I will wait”! I was SURPRISED! I was like, surely this man is not saying he will not wait around on ME! After all that we have been through? HOW DARE HE? But really it was HOW DARE ME? How dare I be so self centered in what I wanted and THOUGHT that he should wait on me for another year? See, MANY would say what I said which was, “If he really loves me, he will wait”! But that’s just it, he had been waiting since he had proposed in 2002. He had been waiting since wanting to marry me within the first 6 months of meeting. He had been waiting while I get delivered in certain areas of my life. Why in the world was I trying to make him wait AGAIN?

Because I honestly wanted to finish up my goals and dreams of advancing my career and getting more licenses and degrees under my belt. When I shared with my husband why I wanted to do those things he said to me, “I never want to stop or hinder you from doing the things you want to do to better yourself, but why are you making it seem like I would be hindering you if we married”? I said, “Because I will have to be your helpmeet and put my dreams and goals on hold to help you.” My husband told me straight up, “I want to be with you when you accomplish the things you want to accomplish just like I want you with me when I accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I want us to do this together, but I HONESTLY do not think I am going to wait another year to marry you. I love you and I want to marry you, but I want to marry and start a family”! The rest of this story is on our video, but needless to say, we married May 6, 2004, which was about a month after having that conversation. LOL! #I’mNotAFool

My point was, yes ladies, we can have unrealistic expectations about the role of men. Many of us believe they should wait on us forever no matter what, even while we pursue our dreams. Some of us believe that marriage is a hindrance while we are in pursuit of our goals instead of a blessing, so we turn down that man of God and HOPE and BELIEVE that he will stick around and wait on us or that another one will come along when we have reached our goals. After I had a talk with another man who was married who gave me great advice, I knew that if I let my husband get away, another GODLY woman would be willing to swoop him up.

A lady by the name of Olaniyi Adebayo Hmn once said, “…The ladies many a times too are causative factor…some are so committed to their career that they wouldn’t want any form of distraction”. That is what I am addressing here now. Sometimes women can be so goal oriented and career driven that they think marriage will interfere. Is it wrong for a woman to pursue her goals etc? No. But it is wrong to complain about men who you feel won’t commit, yet you won’t commit either! And it is wrong to complain about men not pursuing if you are not allowing yourself to be pursued because of your career/goals. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to men and women in relationships. Men get labeled extremely quick for being afraid to commit but not women. So when women choose to pursue careers over marriage yet complain about men committing, there is a beam in their eye that they must remove before saying that about men.

My whole point is this, single ladies, it may be time to examine yourselves, take any beams out of your eyes and THEN look clearly at why many of our single brothers may not be pursuing. It may not be that they are afraid to commit, it may be that they are afraid to pursue and take second place to careers and pursuits of goals, so they fall back. Could it be that this is all a chain reaction where EVERYONE in the body of Christ is affected? Very possible as when one member is affected, WE ALL ARE AFFECTED. So know that my husband and I hear from many single women and men who are frustrated, and it affects us too! Let’s pray for one another in this area but let’s also admit how we “MAY” have played apart in any of this and remove any beams in our eyes so we ALL can see better. Just as we encourage our sisters in the Lord, we encourage our brothers too! So we are going to continue these posts until we get to the bottom of “single men pursuing” as God leads us! We pray men and well as women are enlightened after these posts and that God gets the Glory! #Let’sRemoveAnyBeams

Matt 7:4, “You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

“Know What Time It Is”! ~ PAV


Single men, don’t waste time pursuing women that’s not for you. We are pursuers by nature yes because that is the way God made us, but if a woman has SEVERAL men pursuing her, don’t allow your ego to make you think pursuing is a competition that you will win! Because when a woman wants to be with you, she will not allow ANY OTHER MAN TO PURSUE HER BUT YOU!

When I met my wife, she was new in the Lord and had already been dating a guy while she was an unbeliever. But after she came to know the Lord, she began to pray about was he the right one for her. She prayed a very basic prayer, “Lord, if he isn’t the one for me, give me a sign to show that he isn’t”. Sure enough God did give her a sign and I will let her share what happened when she is ready to share. But when she met me, after we got to know each other through flaws, mistakes and arguments, she ALLOWED me to pursue her and I pursued her with all that was in me because I wanted her as my wife. But here is the thing, not only did she allow me to pursue her, she accepted ONLY my pursuit. Were there other men who wanted to pursue her? Yes! Did she accept their pursuits? No! I was not the only man to ask to marry her, I was just the ONLY man she EVER said YES TO! As we have said on a previous post, our courtship was certainly not perfect, but there was NO WAY I was going to pursue my wife with other men pursuing her.

One of the definitions of pursue is ‘To follow in an effort to overtake or capture’. In other words, to go after and capture her heart to marry. It’s fine to talk with your sister in the Lord about marriage, but when you are ready to pursue her, make sure she is ready to not only be pursued, but also ready to accept only YOUR pursuit. Yes there are women who play games and take engagement rings from more than one guy at the same time. And yes there are also women who ONLY want you just to keep you from going after another woman who was more interested in you. Oh yes, there are women who play games as well and there are men that play the game with them because sometimes men are thinking with their flesh instead of with their SPIRIT! (Gal 5:16). This is why we ALWAYS say, “Seek God, Check their Fruit, Read Between The Lines and Be Led By The Spirit”. But men, there is no reason to fall for the games, because with the Holy Spirit leading you, you will “Know What Time It Is”. So let’s break it down!

Seek God: Always pray and ask God about the woman you are interested in!

Check Fruit: Is she a believer? Does she possess the fruit of the Spirit? (Gal 5:22-23). How is she around other men? Is she “THE” Suitable HelpMeet for YOU? Can you live with her flaws?

Read Between The Lines: What is she REALLY saying? Does her words match her ACTIONS? Does she mean what she says?

Be Led By The Spirit: You are a believer, so what is the Spirit saying to you about her? Do you get a good feeling about marrying her or not? If you have doubts, why?

So men, know when it is time to pursue and when it it time NOT to pursue. If she is not turning down other pursuits, then it is probably a game to her, which means she will be wasting her and your time along with other men’s time. Don’t be the 3rd guy asking the SAME woman for her hand in marriage at the SAME TIME, ONLY ask the one where the feelings are MUTUAL and she only wants YOU! Marriage to a woman is not a game, it’s a COVENANT! So be very wise with who you enter into covenant with because covenants are meant to be for life! #KnowWhatTimeItIs

Eccl 3:6, “a time to start looking and a time to stop looking, a time to keep and a time to throw away…”

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