“No More Lazy Sex”! ~ PAV




No More Lazy Sex PAV


For the Husbands and Single Bruhs!

Sorry, but you canNOT bring your “hay-day way” of having sex into your marriage and think your wife will be pleased! That’s just like calling every woman from your past and saying “Hey! Come join my wife and I..!” Your intimacy with your wife will be MESSED UP.

You have to delete what you learned in the world and REBOOT your learning of sex with your wife because those other women were NOT your wife so you can’t bring those past “styles” into your present marriage. This is one of the many ways of doing marriage God’s way when it comes to pleasing your wife. And if you think for one minute that you’re gonna “get yours” and roll over and go to sleep afterwards thinking that’s it, brotha you need to renew your mind in a hurry! Because sex is not over until you BOTH get yours..!

Renew your mind about the “Gift of Sex” and learn that sex is selfless but fornication is selfish. Fornication focuses on YOU. Sex (in marriage) focuses on your WIFE! The word says in 1 Cor 7:3a that, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs…” Do you see? That means in sex it’s not about you, it’s about your wife. You are to make sure that her need is fulfilled. Too many times in marriage only the husbands are getting fulfilled sexually and the wives are left deprived. And wives can be feeling deprived whether the couple is having sex or not. In other words, in some marriages, the wife is deprived because she’s not getting enough sex from her husband. She’s “sex starved”. But in other marriages, the couple is having sex but only the husband is fulfilled. She’s sexually unfulfilled. And many times we husbands are doing this because of the bad habits we picked up in the world when we were fornicating. Now that we’re married, the sexual baggage and residue of fornication is now hindering our sex life with our wives. How so?

Because in fornication, we were about getting ours. And if a man does this enough times, it can become a habit that anytime sex takes place, whether illicit sex or legal sex, the man gets his and doesn’t make sure the woman is totally pleased. Time to renew your mind on sex men, whether single or married. Single men it would do you good to renew your mind now before you marry so that there is less chance of you bringing the residue of sexual sin into your marriage and hindering your sex life with your wife. Husbands, it would do you good to renew your mind now, talk to wife and ask her is she truly being fulfilled sexually. If she says no, then its time to ask her why, ask her what can you do to make things right and TAKE ACTION!

It can be done men. Trust, as I’ve had to do the same thing! I found out that sex is about giving and pleasing my wife, so I had to stop being lazy when it came to making sure my wife was pleased and do the work! Remember, we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us, yes even in making sure we have NO MORE LAZY SEX! Let’s Get It Men!  We got wives to please!  😉





“What Married Couples Don’t Tell Singles About Sexual Sin”! ~ PAV & OEV

PAV & OEV in black on steps for blog


PAV: When we married, we just knew sex was going to be the B to the O to the M to the B! BOMB! I mean we only knew of fornication, so we figured sex in marriage was going to be easier and much better since we already knew what to do. Boy were we wrong! And though we had repented of sexual sin before we married, we had not renewed our minds about sex. So what happened? We went into marriage with a skewed view of sex and thought that from our honeymoon night and thereon, we have nothing but magical nights of passionate love making, sex, getting our groove and more. But….that was not to be…at least not in the beginning.

Instead, what we found out was, sex in marriage is work just as with anything else. We also found out that Sex in marriage is TOTALLY different from fornication. Fornication is selfish but sex is selfless. So as a man who was now a husband, I had to learn how to please one woman and one woman ONLY for life. You would think when a man has had more than one sex partner when single that he would be experienced in sex when married. Boy was I wrong about that too. See, let’s just be real. When single men engage in fornication, they don’t really care about the woman’s feeling, emotions, orgasm or spirit. They mainly just want to get their own orgasm. Then they believe that since the woman made all kinds of sounds during fornication, that they performed great. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. How do I know this? Let’s let my wife take it from here.

OEV: Did you know studies have shown that 75% of all women who’s had sex have NEVER had an orgasm? So if that percentage is so high, what in God’s name is happening during all this sex where the women are screaming like the heavens are surrounding her bedroom during sexual intercourse? FAKING! Sooo then what happens? The ladies fornicate with these men, not really getting much out of sex unless there is oral sex, so then after displeasing sex she turns to self pleasure i.e. masturbation, to get what that man couldn’t give her; an orgasm . So now we have these men who are puffed up thinking they are God’s gift to women and then we have women who don’t really enjoy sex though they’ve been having lots of it. And in the end we have these same people getting married thinking one thing but experiencing something totally opposite. Then what do you end up having? Sexless marriages or unfulfilled sex lives in marriage. Don’t believe us? OK let us share quickly.


Out of all the topics we get emailed and inboxed on, the most is sex and that’s coming from both married and singles. But when it comes from married couples, almost 95% of those are coming from couples who are sexually frustrated. When we begin to get to the root of the problem, almost 99% of these couples fornicated before they married. Do you think that is a coincidence? I think not.

See, once my husband and I were married, we had to “unlearn” so much junk we had allowed in our minds and spirits about sex that we’ve had to literally learn from scratch on what sex really is. What we NEVER realized was that the things we did sexually before marriage would affect us after marriage, even after we repented. Doesn’t seem fair right? Well, fair or not, it affected us and not one married couple who fell into sexual sin before us EVER shared this with us. We had to find out the hard way that even after repentance there is something called “consequences”. And my goodness did those consequences cause problems in our marriage.

So we are telling singles right now that what you do sexually before marriage will affect you sexually in some way after marriage, even after you repent. And this is not just based on ourselves, this is also based on the hundreds of married people we’ve talked to privately about their sex lives and even statistics as well. One of the main things we’ve had to do in this ministry is counsel married couples’s sex life back to life. Why? Because just like us, they came into marriage thinking one thing about sex but finding out something totally different which caused so many sexual problems.

So with all of that being said, for one week, we will be candidly sharing something each day of what couples wish they knew about sex before they married so that we can help not only married couples but mostly singles who desire marriage. But guess what? You will not find these things on our page or site. Nope! LOL! In order to find out these things each day, you will have to subscribe to our mailing list right now.  All you have to do is go to the bottom of any of our site pages and sign up for our updates. That is the only way we will be sending this information to you is by email.

PAV & OEV: Those who are on our mailing lists received a special treat recently in that they shared a sexual sin they were dealing with and we responded to each one with a personalized video or audio. Yes, we took out time to do that but only for our email subscribers. So if you’re not already on our mailing list, then you need to get on our list today.

You’re going to enjoy these updates, we just know it! 🙂

We love you Fam! ~ Pastor Antonio Vance & Octavia E Vance (PAV & OEV)

“Marriage Does Not Cure Sexual Sin”! ~ OEV


“Marriage is not a cure for sexual sin! It is best to first repent of all sexual immorality before you enter into marriage so that you do not dishonor what God has called Honorable”! ~ OEV

Heb 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”.

One reason why there is so much divorce is because many people do not honor marriage. For if they did, they would not enter into something honorable with dishonorable baggage. Meaning they would not enter into marriage thinking marriage is the cure for being a whoremonger. Because if you have been fornicating and you have not repented of being a fornicator (whoremonger) before marriage, most often times you will become an adulterer after marriage. And remember adultery is not only physically cheating on your husband or wife but it also includes lusting after someone you are not married to (Matt 5:28).

Look at how many marriages among confessed believers are suffering from adultery which includes watching porn, lusting after those who they are not married to and all types of sexually immoral things. If many would trace back to their single lives, they would find unrepentant sexual sin even among those who’ve never had sex with anyone other than their spouse. Meaning there are many Christians who entered into marriage as virgins (never having actual intercourse) but they committed other sexually immoral acts that they never repented of. They just figured if they married, then all would be well. But they came to find out that in their marriages, there were issues of a sexual nature and most times it’s because they never dealt with the sexual sin they indulged in while they were single.

Take masturbating to porn for an example. Many believing singles did these things before marriage. So when they married, they thought they would never commit these acts again since they were now having sex with their spouse; yet they still find themselves masturbating to porn when their spouses are not around. You have to remember that what you do before marriage, you will do after marriage unless you repent. So if you were involved with masturbation and porn before you marry, you’ll be involved with it after you marry unless you repent of it.

Our point is marriage does not cure sexual sin. It was never created to cure or deliver you from sexual sin or any sin for that matter. Christ, not marriage, is the only one who can deliver or cure you from sexual sin but you must repent! And it is better to repent from sexual sin BEFORE you marry than to risk dishonoring your marriage by bringing unrepentant sexual sin into what is honorable.

We have shared this story many times before on our page and we will share some of it again for this post. Before I married, I repented of sexual sin with my husband but I had not repented of lust. So lust lied dormant in me the closer I got to marriage. But it wasn’t even a year into our marriage when lust rose from its dormancy and became fully functional into my life. It started with allowing a man to flirt with me. It continued into having impure thoughts about him. It then manifested itself more when I was going to meet him alone one day knowing what would happen.

To this very day, I am grateful to God that instead of going through with my demonic plans, I confessed to my husband. I am grateful to my husband that even though he was hurt, he prayed for me instead of putting me away. I am grateful to God for His Holy Spirit convicting me to come clean before acting out in the physical. In the end I was delivered completely from lust and it has never reared its ugly head in my marriage since because it’s been repented of, but look how it almost or could have ruined my marriage. Look how I hurt my husband. Look how I dishonored my marriage, my husband and more importantly my God with the look of the eye adultery. But God delivered me when I FINALLY repented!

So singles, please do not go into marriage thinking it will cure your sexual sin as I am a living witness it will not. Go to God and repent so that when you marry, you will not have to put your spouse, our God and even your marriage through the hardship you can avoid by repenting of any sexual sin NOW. I would even recommend that you be totally delivered from ALL sexual sin BEFORE you marry as this is one way to honor marriage while you are still single.

And for those who are married but still indulging in sexual sin, it’s time to go boldly before the throne of Grace, confess, repent and ask God to deliver you now. Don’t keep dishonoring what God has called honorable. Those of us who are married are to honor our marriages with true fidelity. And that means being Truly Faithful to our spouses with our bodies and our thoughts. And that we do not do anything that would dishonor our God, our spouse or our marriage.

I pray this helps those struggling with sexual sin whether single or married, for it’s time to repent and honor what God says is honorable!#RepentAndBeDelivered #HonorMarriage

This may be a hard message to take because MANY may have this issue, but share it anyway as it may be just what’s needed to help someone who’s been struggling with sexual sin! Thanks Fam!

“Is It A Sin To Kiss”? ~ PAV & OEV


“Is It a Sin for Singles to Kiss”?

We cannot outright say kissing among singles is a sin because we don’t see it spelled out in the word of God. Many say that kissing leads to sin and that can be true, but that doesn’t mean it is sin. It just means it’s something that can lead to sin like so many other things can lead to sin.

However, is it beneficial for singles to kiss? We believe that if you are in a serious courtship that will lead to marriage you will “probably” kiss, but the problem that CAN happen (not necessarily will happen) is it can light the flames within each other and you can start burning in passion for one another. Kissing is one of the MAIN things that led us to fall into fornication. French Kissing that is. But the reason why we started french kissing is because we first started English Kissing (our own name LOL). You know the kissing without the tongue and that was because we loved and had so much passion for each other. Everybody is not like us. Some of you are stronger than we were and can kiss and not fall like we did. Some couples are virgins; some couples have one that’s a virgin and the other who is not. And some couples like ourselves were not virgins when we met. And that means we should have NOT kissed at ALL.

For the first 13-14 months we did not kiss, hold hands or was even alone together because we had such a heavy attraction to each other. But when we finally decided to date/court, we celebrated with a kiss. The kiss was not a tongue kiss but it was exciting and just the fact that our lips were touching caused all kinds of electricity to go through our bodies. But that made us want to feel that feeling again. In other words, it made us want MORE! And pretty soon, the little kisses lead to more sensual kisses that many call “French Kissing” and then came the thoughts, then the touching, then the heavy petting and then eventually fornication.

But did you notice all the dominoes that happened with us? That is why we believe the word when it says that it is good for a man not to TOUCH a woman. And that touching is not just with hands, it’s with TONGUES too. (Just being real). So in our opinion, we are not at 100% to call it SIN that you have to repent for, but we can definitely say it MAY not be good!

One last thing. WE WISH we could say that we have only kissed each other, but we cannot. And that is another BIG reason not to kiss until your wedding day. Even though God may forget our past when we repent, our minds are not as good as God’s when it comes to forgetting. It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today to where we don’t even remember what it was like to kiss anyone else but each other. So we say to all singles, from our hearts (not based on OUR past), we would tell you to avoid kissing if you can, ESPECIALLY if you do not know you will marry that person. We honestly believe NOW that you should not kiss until you hear, “You May Now Kiss Your Bride”! And when you hear that, make sure your spouse NEVER forgets the Kiss you will give them but instead forgets all other kisses they may have stolen in the past! #BeBlessed

1 Cor 7:1-2, “…It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, TO AVOID FORNICATION, let EVERY MAN HAVE HIS OWN WIFE, and let EVERY WOMAN HAVE HER OWN HUSBAND”.

And we do thank God we are free to kiss each other! 😉 ~ PAV & OEV

“Marry or Separate”! ~ OEV


“Courtships are not meant to be for life, Marriage is”! ~ OEV!

We hear from so many couples who have been dating/courting for years while continuing to pursue goals and degrees etc, but are also burning up in “Sexual Sin”. The word says it’s better to marry than to burn, so what is the hold up? If you two really love God and really love each other, why continue to play with fire and end up being burned? Remember, God did not give us these feelings to play satan’s game with, but to do the honorable thing and marry! No matter how you try to swing it, you are choosing LUST over LOVE by not marrying and by continuing to fornicate in a committed relationship.

You won’t abstain but you will refrain from marrying? Does that really make ANY sense? Here is the ONLY choice you really have. Either Marry or break it off because God is not pleased with you choosing lust over Him. Remember God is LOVE, so when you choose LUST, you are not choosing HIM! Stop playing with fire and either marry or depart! #TakeHeed

Before we married, I actually moved away from my husband and we cooled our courtship to get closer to God and make sure we should marry. For 7 months we both sought God away from each other and realized it never really took all of that, all we had to do was marry to begin with. We knew we both loved God, we knew we both loved each other and we knew we both wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other, so why in the world would we not just marry? Because like so many of you, we too believed everything had to be just perfect before we married. But look at how backwards that thinking was. We would rather struggle with abstaining and sin than to do the honorable thing.

Listen, so many people will tell you how hard marriage is, how you need to make absolutely sure you marry the right person and all of these different things before marrying which are all true, but it’s really pretty simple and people also make getting married harder than it has to be. If you have learned about the one you’re with, you both are true followers of Christ and both of you love each other beyond a shadow of a doubt, then stop playing games with God and marry.

Just remember, MARRIAGE is honorable, but WHOREMONGERS GOD WILL JUDGE! (Heb 13:4) #MarryOrSeparate

Prov 6:27, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned”?

1 Cor 7:9 (NLT), “But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with LUST”.

John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments”.

John 15:10, “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my LOVE, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his LOVE”.

1 John 5:3, “This is LOVE for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome…”

1 Tim 5:14, “I am willing therefore that the younger ones MARRY, bear children, lead their households and do not give any occasion of contempt to the enemies”. #MarryOrSeparate

Share this with as MANY as you can! You never know who it may bless! Thank you ALL! 🙂

“The Consequences of Sexual Sin: We will REAP What We SOW”! ~ PAV


Shortly after we were married, when it came to sex, I was trying to do all the things I had done when I was a fornicator. Although we repented for our sexual sins before marriage there were still CONSEQUENCES for those sins that we had to deal with after marriage. Why? Because no matter the sin, there will ALWAYS be consequences to sin, whether big or small. So once after sex as newlyweds, my wife rolled over towards the wall and didn’t say a word so I went to sleep. About an hour or so later she woke me up to talk. We ended up talking for hours because she shared with me all the things she did not like, how disappointed she was after sex because she did not climax and she also confessed how she would sometimes fake orgasms for fear of hurting my feelings. I was hurt and a little embarrassed but I had to take it like a man and own up to the fact that I had NO CLUE about what sex in marriage was. I only knew how to fornicate, not have sex. And where did I learn to fornicate? From porn and selfish acts of fornication with other women before I married. My wife was also learning how to please me as well but to be honest, it was so easy for me to climax so I had to LEARN how to slow down so that I could finish what I started with my wife and not before my wife! I did not get this overnight, but we both enjoyed learning together how to please each other and we still work at this now.

Now what were the consequences of our sexual sin? Well one is we can not say we are the only ones we’ve ever been with sexually. You only get one life and that is the story of ours. Also, when our children are older, we will have to admit to them as we raise them in purity that we didn’t make it before marriage, and we are not looking forward to that. And even though God restored us to make it feel like we were virgins again, we had to unlearn so much junk that we learned from the world. But the biggest one and the one we both hated the most was, sometimes in the middle of sex we would have to cast down thoughts of those we had fornicated with in the past. I absolutely HATED those moments. But this is why we stress abstaining and renewing your minds for those who have fallen into fornication because that is what it took for us to be able to forget those images. It’s to the point now that I only have sexually images of being with my wife! (Thank you Lord).

Now I want to talk to men for a minute. Some of you may think it’s cool to fornicate, but I assure you, when you find the right one for you and you marry her, you will have to face the consequences for the sexual sins you commit before marriage unless you repent now. I am man enough to say that I did NOT know how to please my wife sexually in marriage, I only knew how to please MYSELF. But God restored me after I repented and I was able to fully learn together with my wife. Can I just be honest with you all and tell you we had some very awkward moments during the learning process? Sometimes I wouldn’t hear my wife say a thing during sex and I wondered why. So when I would ask she would say, “Well I’m trying not to fake it”! LOL! We can laugh about it now, but then it hurt my manhood deep. *hits my chest three times* LOL! And that is why we talk before, during and after sex because we both want to make sure we are pleasing each other. Fornication can cause men especially to become very selfish because when you’re fornicating you are about “getting yours”. So if you carry those worldly, carnal, sinful acts of whoring into your marriage, you can defile the marriage bed and end up not pleasing your wife. You will find that there cannot be GREAT SEX until you renew your mind on what sex really is; an act of worship with your spouse before The Most High. Once you experience that, you will NEVER go back to the sinful things you did in the world.

There are many other consequences of sexual sin and some we dealt with before marriage so they did not follow us into marriage. But the best news of the day is that God can restore us when we truly repent. We are the testimonies of how God can restore His people when it comes to sex in marriage. It’s time to be restored and made whole from sexual sin! So confess, repent, renew your mind and GO AND SIN NO MORE!

Gal 6:7-8, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life”.

Rom 6:21, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death”!

John 5:14, “Behold, thou art made whole: SIN NO MORE, lest a worse thing come unto thee”.

Share this blog post with as MANY as you can! Thanks Fam!