“Is It A Sin To Kiss”? ~ PAV & OEV


“Is It a Sin for Singles to Kiss”?

We cannot outright say kissing among singles is a sin because we don’t see it spelled out in the word of God. Many say that kissing leads to sin and that can be true, but that doesn’t mean it is sin. It just means it’s something that can lead to sin like so many other things can lead to sin.

However, is it beneficial for singles to kiss? We believe that if you are in a serious courtship that will lead to marriage you will “probably” kiss, but the problem that CAN happen (not necessarily will happen) is it can light the flames within each other and you can start burning in passion for one another. Kissing is one of the MAIN things that led us to fall into fornication. French Kissing that is. But the reason why we started french kissing is because we first started English Kissing (our own name LOL). You know the kissing without the tongue and that was because we loved and had so much passion for each other. Everybody is not like us. Some of you are stronger than we were and can kiss and not fall like we did. Some couples are virgins; some couples have one that’s a virgin and the other who is not. And some couples like ourselves were not virgins when we met. And that means we should have NOT kissed at ALL.

For the first 13-14 months we did not kiss, hold hands or was even alone together because we had such a heavy attraction to each other. But when we finally decided to date/court, we celebrated with a kiss. The kiss was not a tongue kiss but it was exciting and just the fact that our lips were touching caused all kinds of electricity to go through our bodies. But that made us want to feel that feeling again. In other words, it made us want MORE! And pretty soon, the little kisses lead to more sensual kisses that many call “French Kissing” and then came the thoughts, then the touching, then the heavy petting and then eventually fornication.

But did you notice all the dominoes that happened with us? That is why we believe the word when it says that it is good for a man not to TOUCH a woman. And that touching is not just with hands, it’s with TONGUES too. (Just being real). So in our opinion, we are not at 100% to call it SIN that you have to repent for, but we can definitely say it MAY not be good!

One last thing. WE WISH we could say that we have only kissed each other, but we cannot. And that is another BIG reason not to kiss until your wedding day. Even though God may forget our past when we repent, our minds are not as good as God’s when it comes to forgetting. It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today to where we don’t even remember what it was like to kiss anyone else but each other. So we say to all singles, from our hearts (not based on OUR past), we would tell you to avoid kissing if you can, ESPECIALLY if you do not know you will marry that person. We honestly believe NOW that you should not kiss until you hear, “You May Now Kiss Your Bride”! And when you hear that, make sure your spouse NEVER forgets the Kiss you will give them but instead forgets all other kisses they may have stolen in the past! #BeBlessed

1 Cor 7:1-2, “…It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, TO AVOID FORNICATION, let EVERY MAN HAVE HIS OWN WIFE, and let EVERY WOMAN HAVE HER OWN HUSBAND”.

And we do thank God we are free to kiss each other! 😉 ~ PAV & OEV

“Marry or Separate”! ~ OEV


“Courtships are not meant to be for life, Marriage is”! ~ OEV!

We hear from so many couples who have been dating/courting for years while continuing to pursue goals and degrees etc, but are also burning up in “Sexual Sin”. The word says it’s better to marry than to burn, so what is the hold up? If you two really love God and really love each other, why continue to play with fire and end up being burned? Remember, God did not give us these feelings to play satan’s game with, but to do the honorable thing and marry! No matter how you try to swing it, you are choosing LUST over LOVE by not marrying and by continuing to fornicate in a committed relationship.

You won’t abstain but you will refrain from marrying? Does that really make ANY sense? Here is the ONLY choice you really have. Either Marry or break it off because God is not pleased with you choosing lust over Him. Remember God is LOVE, so when you choose LUST, you are not choosing HIM! Stop playing with fire and either marry or depart! #TakeHeed

Before we married, I actually moved away from my husband and we cooled our courtship to get closer to God and make sure we should marry. For 7 months we both sought God away from each other and realized it never really took all of that, all we had to do was marry to begin with. We knew we both loved God, we knew we both loved each other and we knew we both wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other, so why in the world would we not just marry? Because like so many of you, we too believed everything had to be just perfect before we married. But look at how backwards that thinking was. We would rather struggle with abstaining and sin than to do the honorable thing.

Listen, so many people will tell you how hard marriage is, how you need to make absolutely sure you marry the right person and all of these different things before marrying which are all true, but it’s really pretty simple and people also make getting married harder than it has to be. If you have learned about the one you’re with, you both are true followers of Christ and both of you love each other beyond a shadow of a doubt, then stop playing games with God and marry.

Just remember, MARRIAGE is honorable, but WHOREMONGERS GOD WILL JUDGE! (Heb 13:4) #MarryOrSeparate

Prov 6:27, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned”?

1 Cor 7:9 (NLT), “But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with LUST”.

John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments”.

John 15:10, “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my LOVE, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his LOVE”.

1 John 5:3, “This is LOVE for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome…”

1 Tim 5:14, “I am willing therefore that the younger ones MARRY, bear children, lead their households and do not give any occasion of contempt to the enemies”. #MarryOrSeparate

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“The Consequences of Sexual Sin: We will REAP What We SOW”! ~ PAV


Shortly after we were married, when it came to sex, I was trying to do all the things I had done when I was a fornicator. Although we repented for our sexual sins before marriage there were still CONSEQUENCES for those sins that we had to deal with after marriage. Why? Because no matter the sin, there will ALWAYS be consequences to sin, whether big or small. So once after sex as newlyweds, my wife rolled over towards the wall and didn’t say a word so I went to sleep. About an hour or so later she woke me up to talk. We ended up talking for hours because she shared with me all the things she did not like, how disappointed she was after sex because she did not climax and she also confessed how she would sometimes fake orgasms for fear of hurting my feelings. I was hurt and a little embarrassed but I had to take it like a man and own up to the fact that I had NO CLUE about what sex in marriage was. I only knew how to fornicate, not have sex. And where did I learn to fornicate? From porn and selfish acts of fornication with other women before I married. My wife was also learning how to please me as well but to be honest, it was so easy for me to climax so I had to LEARN how to slow down so that I could finish what I started with my wife and not before my wife! I did not get this overnight, but we both enjoyed learning together how to please each other and we still work at this now.

Now what were the consequences of our sexual sin? Well one is we can not say we are the only ones we’ve ever been with sexually. You only get one life and that is the story of ours. Also, when our children are older, we will have to admit to them as we raise them in purity that we didn’t make it before marriage, and we are not looking forward to that. And even though God restored us to make it feel like we were virgins again, we had to unlearn so much junk that we learned from the world. But the biggest one and the one we both hated the most was, sometimes in the middle of sex we would have to cast down thoughts of those we had fornicated with in the past. I absolutely HATED those moments. But this is why we stress abstaining and renewing your minds for those who have fallen into fornication because that is what it took for us to be able to forget those images. It’s to the point now that I only have sexually images of being with my wife! (Thank you Lord).

Now I want to talk to men for a minute. Some of you may think it’s cool to fornicate, but I assure you, when you find the right one for you and you marry her, you will have to face the consequences for the sexual sins you commit before marriage unless you repent now. I am man enough to say that I did NOT know how to please my wife sexually in marriage, I only knew how to please MYSELF. But God restored me after I repented and I was able to fully learn together with my wife. Can I just be honest with you all and tell you we had some very awkward moments during the learning process? Sometimes I wouldn’t hear my wife say a thing during sex and I wondered why. So when I would ask she would say, “Well I’m trying not to fake it”! LOL! We can laugh about it now, but then it hurt my manhood deep. *hits my chest three times* LOL! And that is why we talk before, during and after sex because we both want to make sure we are pleasing each other. Fornication can cause men especially to become very selfish because when you’re fornicating you are about “getting yours”. So if you carry those worldly, carnal, sinful acts of whoring into your marriage, you can defile the marriage bed and end up not pleasing your wife. You will find that there cannot be GREAT SEX until you renew your mind on what sex really is; an act of worship with your spouse before The Most High. Once you experience that, you will NEVER go back to the sinful things you did in the world.

There are many other consequences of sexual sin and some we dealt with before marriage so they did not follow us into marriage. But the best news of the day is that God can restore us when we truly repent. We are the testimonies of how God can restore His people when it comes to sex in marriage. It’s time to be restored and made whole from sexual sin! So confess, repent, renew your mind and GO AND SIN NO MORE!

Gal 6:7-8, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life”.

Rom 6:21, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death”!

John 5:14, “Behold, thou art made whole: SIN NO MORE, lest a worse thing come unto thee”.

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“Take the Beam Out of Your Eye, Single Ladies”! ~ OEV

BEAM in your eye

In April 2004, I told my husband that I wanted to wait another year before we got married. I was wanting to accomplish some goals in my finances, school and my career before I married him. I believed since my husband had been with me through so much in the almost 5 years we had known each other at that time, that he wouldn’t mind waiting one more year.

My husband said to me “I don’t know if I’m going to be around to wait on you for another year. If we don’t get married this year, I can’t say that I will wait”! I was SURPRISED! I was like, surely this man is not saying he will not wait around on ME! After all that we have been through? HOW DARE HE? But really it was HOW DARE ME? How dare I be so self centered in what I wanted and THOUGHT that he should wait on me for another year? See, MANY would say what I said which was, “If he really loves me, he will wait”! But that’s just it, he had been waiting since he had proposed in 2002. He had been waiting since wanting to marry me within the first 6 months of meeting. He had been waiting while I get delivered in certain areas of my life. Why in the world was I trying to make him wait AGAIN?

Because I honestly wanted to finish up my goals and dreams of advancing my career and getting more licenses and degrees under my belt. When I shared with my husband why I wanted to do those things he said to me, “I never want to stop or hinder you from doing the things you want to do to better yourself, but why are you making it seem like I would be hindering you if we married”? I said, “Because I will have to be your helpmeet and put my dreams and goals on hold to help you.” My husband told me straight up, “I want to be with you when you accomplish the things you want to accomplish just like I want you with me when I accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I want us to do this together, but I HONESTLY do not think I am going to wait another year to marry you. I love you and I want to marry you, but I want to marry and start a family”! The rest of this story is on our video, but needless to say, we married May 6, 2004, which was about a month after having that conversation. LOL! #I’mNotAFool

My point was, yes ladies, we can have unrealistic expectations about the role of men. Many of us believe they should wait on us forever no matter what, even while we pursue our dreams. Some of us believe that marriage is a hindrance while we are in pursuit of our goals instead of a blessing, so we turn down that man of God and HOPE and BELIEVE that he will stick around and wait on us or that another one will come along when we have reached our goals. After I had a talk with another man who was married who gave me great advice, I knew that if I let my husband get away, another GODLY woman would be willing to swoop him up.

A lady by the name of Olaniyi Adebayo Hmn once said, “…The ladies many a times too are causative factor…some are so committed to their career that they wouldn’t want any form of distraction”. That is what I am addressing here now. Sometimes women can be so goal oriented and career driven that they think marriage will interfere. Is it wrong for a woman to pursue her goals etc? No. But it is wrong to complain about men who you feel won’t commit, yet you won’t commit either! And it is wrong to complain about men not pursuing if you are not allowing yourself to be pursued because of your career/goals. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to men and women in relationships. Men get labeled extremely quick for being afraid to commit but not women. So when women choose to pursue careers over marriage yet complain about men committing, there is a beam in their eye that they must remove before saying that about men.

My whole point is this, single ladies, it may be time to examine yourselves, take any beams out of your eyes and THEN look clearly at why many of our single brothers may not be pursuing. It may not be that they are afraid to commit, it may be that they are afraid to pursue and take second place to careers and pursuits of goals, so they fall back. Could it be that this is all a chain reaction where EVERYONE in the body of Christ is affected? Very possible as when one member is affected, WE ALL ARE AFFECTED. So know that my husband and I hear from many single women and men who are frustrated, and it affects us too! Let’s pray for one another in this area but let’s also admit how we “MAY” have played apart in any of this and remove any beams in our eyes so we ALL can see better. Just as we encourage our sisters in the Lord, we encourage our brothers too! So we are going to continue these posts until we get to the bottom of “single men pursuing” as God leads us! We pray men and well as women are enlightened after these posts and that God gets the Glory! #Let’sRemoveAnyBeams

Matt 7:4, “You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

“Know What Time It Is”! ~ PAV


Single men, don’t waste time pursuing women that’s not for you. We are pursuers by nature yes because that is the way God made us, but if a woman has SEVERAL men pursuing her, don’t allow your ego to make you think pursuing is a competition that you will win! Because when a woman wants to be with you, she will not allow ANY OTHER MAN TO PURSUE HER BUT YOU!

When I met my wife, she was new in the Lord and had already been dating a guy while she was an unbeliever. But after she came to know the Lord, she began to pray about was he the right one for her. She prayed a very basic prayer, “Lord, if he isn’t the one for me, give me a sign to show that he isn’t”. Sure enough God did give her a sign and I will let her share what happened when she is ready to share. But when she met me, after we got to know each other through flaws, mistakes and arguments, she ALLOWED me to pursue her and I pursued her with all that was in me because I wanted her as my wife. But here is the thing, not only did she allow me to pursue her, she accepted ONLY my pursuit. Were there other men who wanted to pursue her? Yes! Did she accept their pursuits? No! I was not the only man to ask to marry her, I was just the ONLY man she EVER said YES TO! As we have said on a previous post, our courtship was certainly not perfect, but there was NO WAY I was going to pursue my wife with other men pursuing her.

One of the definitions of pursue is ‘To follow in an effort to overtake or capture’. In other words, to go after and capture her heart to marry. It’s fine to talk with your sister in the Lord about marriage, but when you are ready to pursue her, make sure she is ready to not only be pursued, but also ready to accept only YOUR pursuit. Yes there are women who play games and take engagement rings from more than one guy at the same time. And yes there are also women who ONLY want you just to keep you from going after another woman who was more interested in you. Oh yes, there are women who play games as well and there are men that play the game with them because sometimes men are thinking with their flesh instead of with their SPIRIT! (Gal 5:16). This is why we ALWAYS say, “Seek God, Check their Fruit, Read Between The Lines and Be Led By The Spirit”. But men, there is no reason to fall for the games, because with the Holy Spirit leading you, you will “Know What Time It Is”. So let’s break it down!

Seek God: Always pray and ask God about the woman you are interested in!

Check Fruit: Is she a believer? Does she possess the fruit of the Spirit? (Gal 5:22-23). How is she around other men? Is she “THE” Suitable HelpMeet for YOU? Can you live with her flaws?

Read Between The Lines: What is she REALLY saying? Does her words match her ACTIONS? Does she mean what she says?

Be Led By The Spirit: You are a believer, so what is the Spirit saying to you about her? Do you get a good feeling about marrying her or not? If you have doubts, why?

So men, know when it is time to pursue and when it it time NOT to pursue. If she is not turning down other pursuits, then it is probably a game to her, which means she will be wasting her and your time along with other men’s time. Don’t be the 3rd guy asking the SAME woman for her hand in marriage at the SAME TIME, ONLY ask the one where the feelings are MUTUAL and she only wants YOU! Marriage to a woman is not a game, it’s a COVENANT! So be very wise with who you enter into covenant with because covenants are meant to be for life! #KnowWhatTimeItIs

Eccl 3:6, “a time to start looking and a time to stop looking, a time to keep and a time to throw away…”

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“Marriage is Something you Prepare For NOT Practice For”! ~ OEV


There’s no mention of Boyfriend or Girlfriend in the word of God, only Husband and Wife. Why is that? Maybe because marriage is something you PREPARE for not PRACTICE for!

We’re not saying it’s wrong or sin to be someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend, but what we are saying is that if you’re having so many “exclusive” relationships where you are a boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationships end, it may be that you are “practicing” to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend and not “preparing” to be a Godly husband or wife.

A man can not learn to be a husband by continuing to be a boyfriend, nor can a woman learn how to be a wife by continuing to be a girlfriend. Many may need to break this pattern by examining where this pattern has gotten them.

Just like we can not practice sex before we are married, we can not practice being a husband or wife before we are married, but we can PREPARE and LEARN! We believe in “getting to know” someone without the exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend titles. And as we always say, seek God, check fruit, read between the lines and be led by the Spirit. Again we are not saying it’s sin, but it may be time to renew your mind in this area and see what God is saying for YOUR life!

Rom 12:2 (NIV) says, “Do not conform any longer to the PATTERN OF THIS WORLD, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will”.

1 Cor 10:23 (GWT), “Someone may say, “I’m allowed to do anything,” but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything encourages growth”.

Examine yourselves to see if you are preparing to be a Husband/Wife or just another boyfriend/girlfriend!

Practice makes perfect, but when it comes to marriage, PREPARING MAKES READY! #StayEncouraged