“In Walks A Man”! ~ OEV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Dating & Courtship, Husbands, Marriage, Singleness, Uncategorized, Women

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The woman was tired. She had been up all night getting some rare “me time” by indulging in Netflix movies. But just when she was about to finally get some sleep in the early morning, her youngest son (2 years old) wakes up. While trying to put him back to sleep, an older sibling wakes up and seems to signal for the other children to wake up as well. Before the woman knows it, all of her ‘stair steppers’ are awake. Now the woman wishes she didn’t stay up all night getting rare “me time” in because now she’s going to be tired the rest of the day because at 6am, it really is time to get up anyway.

So the days goes just as expected. Tiresome! She’s tired but managing to run the household to the demands of her younger children while getting the older children to help in keeping things in order. In the afternoon, she actually manages to get them all to take a nap so she takes a nap as well. Three hours seems like enough rest but unfortunately the nap puts her behind in getting dinner ready. Thank The Most High the children are all still sleeping so she gets busy with dinner. Just as things are going well, the youngest son wakes up crying. But before she can even grab him, the youngest daughter wakes up crying as well. She’s wondering how in the world she’s going to get everything done before the man of the house is back home. She’s got things in the oven, things on the stove, things waiting to be mixed on the table and two babies 3 and under crying their tears out. Talk about frustrating and exhausting at the same time. So the woman picks up the 2 year old son, rocking him trying to console him while letting her 3 year old know she’ll be right there in just a minute. But the 3 year old doesn’t seem to take too well to being made to wait, so she cries even more. With dinner preparations interrupted, a son in her lap refusing consolation and a 3 year old crying in the near distance, the woman begins to inwardly break down hoping to be rescued. This was nothing really major that she hadn’t handled before but, working off only 3 hours of sleep and blaming herself in her mind for staying up super late, caused the woman to slightly crumble with exasperation.

But then…the door unlocks and the knob turns. “In Walks A Man”...a hard working Man who just finished working 13 hours. Tired, sweaty, not smelling the best, looking like he just woe out.. not wore out but WOE OUT. He walks in and immediately the 2 year old son who refused the woman’s consolation quickly stops crying, gets up and runs to this Man with outstretched hands. While holding the 2 year old, the Man turns the corner towards the 3 year old daughter who’s still crying. “In walks a Man” to where she was and instead of ceasing from crying, she cries harder upon seeing the Man as if she had been missing the Man all day. The Man takes his free arm and picks up the daughter too. Before she knows it, the Man has both the son and daughter in both arms embracing them strongly and consoling them both effortlessly. Before he sits down while holding the two, he stands with seemingly room for one more…the woman. The woman walks towards him and the Man hugs her with both arms around the two youngest children then she rests upon what remained of his chest, squeezed between the two babies. And it was at that very moment that the woman was reminded of Our Heavenly Father who has room for us all in His arms, in His loving embrace. The Man was not only those children’s father but he was also the woman’s husband. And everything became well when he walked in. Now let’s bring this thing to clarity.

The woman is me, OEV. The Man is my husband, PAV (I know y’all know that too 😀 ). The children are our youngest two of the five. All I know is when that Man, My Man walked in, all that wasn’t well became well. All I know is when that Man walked in, what was turning out to be chaotic before he got home, was now calm…simply because he walked in.

You see, good things happen when a Man walks in. When a male walks in, things either go from bad to worse or they remain the same. But when a Man walks in, things get better or has the potential to get better with some work. Because Joy comes with him. Pain relief comes with him as well. And just when you’re so mad at life and you’re ready to give up, “in walks a Man” with the confidence to encourage you up out of your misery and back into the equanimity you feel when he’s around. Yasssssss! And even if there’s trouble around, a Man walking in gives trouble a serious run for its money. You see, when a male walks in, he could be a trouble maker but when a Man walks in, he’s the trouble taker. Males make trouble, Men take trouble and turn it into calm. Y’all..don’t…hear…me..tho..

This doesn’t mean Men are perfect. It doesn’t mean my Man is perfect, it just means even when we are at odds in our marriage, when my husband walks in, I know no matter what we’re dealing with, he’s gon’ shut it down and work to make things right. No matter if I pout. No matter if I try the silent treatment. No matter if my attitude ain’t right. No matter if his tone ain’t the best. No matter if he don’t agree with what I’m saying. When my husband walks in, ain’t nobody walking out unchanged. Even when our children are restless and rambunctious and I’m struggling to get them all the way in order, when my husband walks in, order is restored. So what am I saying and what has this go to do with you?

I’m saying single women, when I was choosing this man to be my husband, I chose him based on the fruit that showed me he was the type of Man who would work through the craziest mess in marriage. I chose him because his actions showed me he was a righteous man. I chose him because even though he had issues just as I did, I knew he would love me through every issue, every outburst and every self imposed crazy moment I ever created in our marriage. And though this is the Man who walked out on me in year 5 of our marriage, he is also the same man who walked back in, worked with me and made this thang right 12 years and 5 children later.

So do NOT settle for them unrighteous males who look good to marry. Don’t rush into relationships with males who got it made financially but ain’t got it made righteously. Don’t fall for the males who can recite every scripture but can’t SHOW YOU how to apply them same scriptures they quote. Because when the ish hit the fan in marriage, Men are the ones that’s gon’ come through this piece and work everything out with you as best as they can. Those are the kind of perfectly flawed Men you want to give a chance in getting to know you. Men with Standards. Men who are Righteous and Men who can walk into a room and change the entire game up.

And what’s so amazing is you can be just going on about your life, praying, working towards and preparing for this type of man while in the worst season of your life, yet “In Walks A Man” into your life ready to change that season for you or walk through that season with you. And if you don’t think this can happen, you betta ask me. I can tell you some stories honey. LOL! Be Encouraged Single Ladies! I got lots more where this came from. You may say it ain’t a lot of good men like this out here but as I always say, you only need ONE. 😉 ~ OEV

#InWalksAMan #ATrulyFaithfulMan #BeTrulyFaithful #TrulyFaithful

Psalm 1:1-3, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in His law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper”.

Please share this blog post if it blessed you and also join my online Kingdom Building Community for women below where we talk in detail about topics like this and so much more.

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The Building of a Nation Starts with YOU!

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Marriage, Family, Husbands, Legacy Building, Marriage, Married Couples, Men, Uncategorized, Wives, Women

“Men, I believe if we teach our sons how to be providers as they become men, how to treat women, how to be in control of their sexuality, how to value their purity as young boys, how to be leaders in their homes and communities, how to operate in their God given masculinity, while also teaching our sons to honor marriage, we will help greatly in decreasing the many fatherless, broken and dysfunctional homes we have in this world today, especially in our own communities”. ~ PAV

“Women, I believe if we teach our daughters to know their worth, to value their sexuality and their bodies, to empower them in their educational creativity, to help them understand that being a help meet is a strong active role in society as a whole, not a weak, inactive one only done in marriage, how to honor marriage while also teaching our daughters to support masculinity while operating fully in their God given femininity, we will help greatly in decreasing the epidemic of leaving legacies of broken relationships, out of wedlock births and extreme poverty”. ~ OEV

“Men and Women, we believe in being Faithful to Marriage, Faithful to Family and Faithful to Legacy (Building). In order to have healthy marriages, strong and loving families and positive legacies tomorrow, it starts with building our marriage, our family and our legacy TODAY”!

We’re already doing this and are working to do it even better. Have you started? Are you doing your part?  What steps are you taking to get this done?  Comment and let us know! ~ PAV &OEV

 

Psalm 112:1-3, “Praise the Lord!  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments!  His offspring will be mighty in the land, the generation of the upright will be blessed.  Wealth and riches are in His house and His righteousness endures forever”.

Psalm 78:4, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done”.

Deut 6:5-7, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise”.

 

 

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Wanna join PAV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Men?  Sign up here.

“The Damaged Goods of OEV”!

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Friendships, Singleness, Uncategorized, Women
Damaged Goods: a person regarded as inadequate or impaired in some way.
Inadequate:  lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose. insufficient means not enough.
Impaired: weakened, damaged.
 
So damaged goods is a person who makes themselves emotionally unavailable due to unfortunate circumstances in the past. Which in turn makes people they love pay for the mistakes they had to deal with in the past. Damaged goods tend to run away from their problems instead of facing them head on and tend to make assumptions about present situations due to experiences from the past.
 
This is me.  Even today as I write this, I am damaged goods.  I am inadequate, impaired and I am lacking quality in a certain area.  I am also insufficient for a particular purpose for I am weakened…damaged.  This is me…OEV.  The woman many young women look up to.  The woman who loves hard and gives her all.  But also the same woman who can hurt someone when she feels they may hurt her.  This is the same woman who can be really good in marriage but really bad in friendships.  The same woman who will run to The Most High and her husband and cry out but will not do the same with a friend.  I am damaged goods.  Is there any help for me?  Well…first we have to get to the root.
 
A little while ago I did a few Periscope broadcasts on why it was good to be in relationships with people who love hard and the bad things about people who love hard.  I gave the definition and characteristics of those who love hard and used myself as an example.  To help you understand where I’m about to come from, let me share some of those characteristics that describe people like me.
 
Characteristics of People who love hard…
 
#1, We are loyal…loyal to a fault.  We will go with you through hell, high water and chaos. We don’t believe in leaving those we love behind…ever.
 
#2, We love you for real, for real.  There is nothing fake about our love.  We will throw caution to the wind and give you all of our heart in relationships.
 
#3, We are forgivers.  We forgive some of the most horrific things people do to us all because we really love you.
 
#4, We wear our feelings on our sleeves.  We don’t have poker faces.  You know exactly how we’re feeling because it’s written all over our faces.
 
#5 Once we are done, we…are…DONE!  There is no coming back or reconciling when we’re done.  We reconcile by letting go and moving on.
 
So now that you have some characteristics of people who love hard, let me share how those good traits can be taken advantage of by those who do not love hard in return.
 
Understand that not everyone can handle the love of a person who loves hard.  This is why we have the issues we often times have when in relationships with the wrong people.  Let me elaborate.
 
Because we are loyal, we can love people through anything but we can also waste our love on those who mean us no good.  We love for real and nothing is fake about our love so when we give our heart in any kind of a relationship, we give all of our heart.  We don’t know how to give a part of our heart.  We must give a person all of our heart or none at all and because of this, we can give all of our heart to someone who cannot handle this kinda of love.  We’re also forgivers which is great but too many times we forgive people who continuously hurt us.  Our ability to love hard is great when we’re loving the right people, but our inability to discern at times is what causes us to give our love to “like” instead of give our love to love.  Does that make sense?  In other words, people may just like us, yet we love so hard that we believe loving them will turn their like for us into love for us.  This is where we lack discernment and end up staying in temporary relationships, long term.  So because we do these things, we end up getting played a lot by the opposite sex or hurt a lot in toxic friendships.  Yet when we are done, we are DONE!  There is nothing anyone can do to change our minds when we’re done.  While that’s great, often times it took us too long to be done.  So now that we’re finally done, we chill by ourselves and become protective of our feelings.  Being protective means we make sure we don’t get hurt by anyone anymore.  The problem with this is often times after being done, we end up shielding ourselves from potential great mates for marriage and/or potential great friends for friendships.  So how did I get to be damaged goods and what does all of this have to do with me becoming that way?
 
Because I loved hard and gave my all, I was deeply hurt by “friends”, several different times though I will only talk about 3 different times today.  I was hurt so deep that after these 3 particular hurts I would cleave to my husband, hold onto my children and strengthen my relationship with The Most High but I vowed to never let another women get that close to me.  Oh I am friendly, so I can talk to anyone.  I’m good at what I do, so I can encourage and advise women in their marriages or courtships, but when it came time for friendships with women, I would not allow it.  I would actually start to shut down and cleave to my husband.  So I would call him my best friend instead.  Though he and I are just that close, this was also a cover to keep from having close female companionships.  So after the failure of 3 friendships in a row, it somewhat ruined me for other friendships.
 
So here’s how that went. 
 
Abandonment: The first friendship that played a part in my being damaged goods was a lengthy one.  We were friends for over 10 years.  Everyone knew we were the best of friends.  She was even the God mother of our first born child.  When I became pregnant with my second, she moved away and never told me why or where.  I had no idea why she left or where she was.  After a few weeks of her being what I called “missing”, we put a APB out on her to make sure she was OK.  She was and shared she had gotten a new job and gotten too busy to call.  I should have seen that was the first sign of what was to come.  We would talk here and there but I could tell it wasn’t the same.  I figured since she was still single with no children, that maybe she was feeling some kinda way that I was now married a few years going on my second child. But I still felt our friendship would recover.  I mean you don’t get to over a decade of being friends by not being able to overcome whatever comes your way right?  But what happened next literally changed my life.  I hadn’t heard from her in some time once again.  I called her job and they said she no longer worked there.  That she left town.  I thought maybe she went back home to chill for a bit and collect her thoughts on her life.  So I didn’t bother her as I was also very sick in my second pregnancy, so I couldn’t give my full attention at that time.  By the time I had gotten better, I had heard through the grapevine she had joined the military.  I was ANGRY!  I was hurt.  I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get a phone call, an email, a letter, anything!  I didn’t know how to process this new hurt I was feeling.  I felt abandoned!  How could she walk out on our friendship like that?  What the hell did I do that was so bad that she walked out with no notice?  So I grieved but in anger.
 
Toxicity:  Even after all of that, a few years later I gave friendship another try.  It wasn’t easy but I did. I mean I had my man, my 2 babies and a new friend.  How awesome was that right?  Well once the newness wore off there was this stench of toxicity that I began to smell.  Not only did I smell it, my husband smelled it too.  And so did others.  But when people would come to me about that stench, I just told them it was fine.  Why didn’t I listen?  Because I’m loyal..to a fault remember?  You don’t just leave people who aren’t perfect.  You love them through right?  I tried.  I failed.  And any time I would bring up an offense by that person, they would turn it back on me somehow.  Passive aggressive at its finest.  I did this for over 3 years and finally had to cut the strings.  Before I did, I cried 2 days staight knowing I had to cut them off.  Remember, when we are done, we are DONE!  The cut off did not end well.  And this time instead of being angry like I was before, I grieved the end of this friendship in sadness not anger.  But I was glad it ended.  I missed them but was relieved it was over.
 
Rejection:  I tried again.  This friendship actually overlapped the toxic friendship above but it was perfect or so I thought.  I thought I had finally found a friend I could really relate to marriage wise as the other 2 before this one were single.  We both had children and we both had lots in common.  Oh the private conversations we shared were full of such joy!  The laughs and the cries seemed so real.  But when it came time to be best friends, I was over looked.  She had chosen another.  I was hurt.  I was rejected.  I guess I didn’t understand this friendship thing after all.  I still hung onto the relationship thinking, “Well maybe I can be the 2nd best friend” right?  Nah, we ended up growing apart even though I would still reach out.  So as this friendship was obviously fading away after 4 years, the rejection caused bitterness.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough to be a best friend.  I am still moving on from this friendship.  I’m taking it one day at a time.
 
So when you have abandonment, toxicity and rejection in a row, it can become hard to go forward in a righteous friendship.  Enter another friend.  I wasn’t looking for anymore friends nor was I accepting friendship applications.  I was content with my marital relationship with my husband, my parental relationship with my children, my many acquaintanceships with people from eerywhere and of course my relationship with The Most High.  This friendship took me by complete surprise.  Though we had so much in common, there was an obvious age difference.  Could we be friends anyway?  I went forward but I gave them a warning.  That because of my baggage of failed friendships, they may have to pull me back sometimes.  But what I didn’t tell them was that I was damaged goods.  I didn’t tell them that though I was very good in making my marriage work, I was not very good in making friendships work.  How could I be?  I had 3 lengthy friendships that failed.  I was scarred, impaired, inadequate and damaged.  And the smiles my husband and children put on my face hid all those flaws.  So what happened?  In disagreements I would hurt them.  I made assumptions about them.  I looked for the bad in them to manifest. I was accusatory and after each disagreement, I was waiting for them to abandon me.  I was looking for the friendship to turn toxic.  I was waiting for them to reject me.  Yet…it hasn’t come.  At the end of one episode of hurt, there was only, “I signed up for this knowing you were damaged“.  Who deserves that kind of grace though?  Certainly not me.  Yet it’s what I was given.  I think the thing that showed me the grace of the Father was when this friend said, “We’re gonna get through this. And then look back at how far we’ve come and smile.  Not only did we make a decision to go on through life together, but I told you I also think it’s a miracle that we crossed paths. I don’t think that type of relationship should be thrown away based off feelings and hurt that will pass. ESPECIALLY since I agreed to proceed with our relationship knowing that you are damaged in certain ways. I have to have more empathy b/c I wasn’t stupid to that fact and I still made a decision“.  I broke down.  The tears began to fall because I know I don’t deserve it.  But how could they love me anyway?  How could they want to remain friends anyway?  Doesn’t make sense.  It was after a much smaller disagreement that I FINALLY realized our friendship really was divine.  How so?
 
Because like in my marriage, my flaws are always being exposed just as my husband’s are.  So in this friendship, those other flaws that weren’t revealed in my marriage are being exposed, so now I gotta work on them.  I’m learning that though I learned how to love a man and that I learned how to love children, I didn’t learn how to love a friend and a sister.  And God is showing me how to do that in this relationship.
 
Though I hate that we have to have those moments of hurt, I’m grateful for the opportunity given to right my wrongs and learn how to be a good friend.  I am now learning the importance of friendships alongside the importance of the marital and family relationship.  I’m the type that can help others in their marriages and in their singleness but could not help myself in friendships. So I am damaged goods.  I love hard and one thing about those of us who love hard, we work hard to right our wrongs.  So though I am damaged goods, the beauty in all of this is, I do not have to remain damaged.  I can be repaired.  I can be restored.  I can be redeemed even in this.  I am committed to getting better and I hope that the next time I write about this I can title it, “The Mended Goods of OEV”!  Hope this helped someone out there to see that female friendships though hard to maintain, can be done in spite of the many friendships that fail!  I’m in this for the long haul.  The love of many may wax cold but with Christ, mine won’t wax cold at all!  ~ OEV
 
Prov 18:24, “Friends can destroy one another, but a loving friend can stick closer than family”.
Me & My Best Friend
Torah and OEV pic

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“New Year, Same Me”!

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Uncategorized

TRULY FAITHFUL NewYear Email Campaign Pic

 

So 2015 ended and 2016 began…

 

But what’s changed besides the 5 to the 6?  Is your marriage better?  Have you stopped fornicating?  Are you still unemployed?  Did that relationship work out?  Are you still single after all the prophesies of finding the right one to marry in 2015?  Did you get that promotion you believed for?  Do you really feel any different today than December 31, 2015?

Please understand, this is not to make you feel low or lose hope.  This is just to help you face reality but at the same time offer you hope.  How so?  How so when you and your spouse have been trying to have a baby for years and 2015 was supposed to be the year but still no pregnancy?  How so when the woman/man you gave your heart to didn’t give you their heart in return and now you go into the New Year with a broken heart?  How so when you lost a loved one last year?  How so when a close friendship ended last year?  Or how so when your marriage is still on the rocks? We’ll tell you how.  But first…

Do you know how we brought the new year in?  With a disagreement.  I bet you thought we were going to say with prayer, laughter and lots of love right? LOL!  Don’t worry…we did that too.  But yes, we started off with a disagreement about something from 2015, that’s still an issue in 2016 (just a separation of a few days of course).  And though we’ll resolve this, it goes to show that new years often don’t change nothing but the date.  They don’t make you anymore saved than you were the previous year.  They don’t stop your heart from hurting from the loss of family or friendships.  They don’t stop the feelings of disappointments you’ve suffered.  No, they do none of those things.  But, there is something that does come with a new year…ANOTHER CHANCE!

And don’t you just love those?  You get another chance to make a wrong, right.  You get another chance to heal from that broken heart.  You get another change to reconcile a lost friendship or start a new one.  Couples trying to have babies get another chance to enjoy more sex with each other and try again.  Husbands and wives in problem marriages get another chance to work at reconciliation and get help if they need it.  Those who lost jobs in 2015 get another chance to search for new ones in 2016.  Those who entered the new year in bad relationships get another chance to open their eyes and see that it’s time to let the relationship go and more.

Don’t you see?  You might still be the same in a new year, but you’re also still HERE!  Alive!  And you get another chance to get it right!  To do better; to love again; to reconcile; to start afresh; to heal and more!

So even though we brought the new year in with a disagreement, we also get the chance to work it out!  *insert happy dance here* We may not have changed in certain areas or we may not have had any new growth as of yet and we may be the same PAV & OEV from 2015, at this very moment.  But as long as we have breath in 2016, we have the opportunity to grow from “Same Me” to “New Me” and so do you.  So for those who didn’t really feel a change when the clock hit 12:01 AM on January 1, 2016, know that as it is with each day, we get to start this new year off with brand new mercies!  And if we were you, we would take full advantage of them…every waking minute!

Lamentations 3:23, “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning”.

We love you and pray you all have the “Blessed Year EVER”!  😉 

~ PAV & OEV

“Marriage Is To Be Honored By ALL”! ~ PAV

Posted on by betrulyfaithful@yahoo.com in Faithfulness in Marriage, Married Couples, Men, Singleness, Uncategorized, Women

Everyone is to respect (honor) marriage including the husband and wife in the marriage. The reason why others may not respect marriage is because some of us who are married may not respect our own marriage and we show our dishonor of it.

For example, if a husband or wife is cheating, then neither do they nor the person they are cheating with honors marriage. In other words, if a wife cheats on her husband with another man, neither the cheating wife or the other man respects or honors the marriage the wife is in nor do they respect or honor marriage in itself.

When singles fornicate with each other, they also do not honor marriage, for if they did, they would either marry or not fornicate. Many seem to think this scripture is just for those who are married and are doing marriage God’s way. No, this scripture was written for ALL! And it means you honor the marriages of others, you honor the marriage you are in or you honor marriage in itself that you either marry or remain a virgin outside of marriage.

God is the creator of marriage and if He says to honor it, then we are to obey and honor it. Whether we are married or not, we are not to dishonor what God created by fornicating or committing adultery. And that is why the scripture says in Heb 13:4 (NASB), “Marriage is to be held in honor AMONG ALL, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

When you honor marriage, what you are really doing is honoring what God has created and you’re also honoring the creator of marriage as well! #MarriageIsHonorable

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Be blessed everyone!