“Marriage or Nah”? ~ OEV

 

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I know, I know…I was supposed to be praying too but I just had to capture the moment.  To open my eyes, grab my phone and snap a pic of my husband praying with our children before bed is one of those moments that lets me know we got it right.  Yeah…we did.
What did we get right?  We did something different to meet someone different.  We put our cards on the table from jump.  No surprises, no second guessing.  From the moment we first talked we made it clear that it was “Marriage or Nah”.  We got to know each other with no strings attached for a year even tho PAV was tryna marry me within the first months of meeting lol (You gotta know the whole story tho).  There was no kissing, no making out, no nothing during that “getting to know stage”.  Straight acquaintances with a mission of “friends who could possibly marry” was the deal.  That way if we weren’t feeling each other, we could move along without any emotional or sexual ties.
We became exclusive after that first year.  When he would take me to his church he made it known I was that chick.  You know, ‘His Lady’.  And my goodness did I love the way he would introduce me to “the church”.  The church who would judge me prematurely and sometimes un-righteously because I wasn’t raised in the church like him, wasn’t C.O.G.I.C. like him and definitely wasn’t “saved like him”.  But I was on his arm because he chose me. And what many didn’t realize was that I received his choice and chose him in return. It wasn’t one sided.  It was very mutual.  I had to win his parents over being that I was not the church girl type but winning them over was worth the man.
2 years later after many “dating trials”, he made it official and gave me the ring…proposing to me while we were watching the airplanes land and take off.  We had some trials while engaged but I was here for it, so we married 2 years later.  Can’t believe I was really tryna divorce him 5 years after.  But here we are…married still.  12 years in the deal.  Husband and wife for real for real.  With five beautiful babies we pray for, who we slay for and are steadily paving the way for.
So to be at a point where I watch this man I said Yes to pray with all of our children is a moment I had to capture. Not for my sake or yours but more so for my children’s sake. So that when they’re older they’ll always have this moment in print. Tho our 2 and 4 year old may not remember this, they’ll be able to see this pic and have this moment for life and see that…their parents really did do something right. We found one another, observed each other. Sealed the deal with each other. Then brought each of our children into this world and declared we would raise them up in the admonition of The Most High and teach them His ways. And it didn’t start that night. It started in July 1999, became serious in August 2000, made official in July 2002 and finalized in May 2004. Then we started our legacy in 2006, continued it in 2008, added to it in 2010, filled it more in 2012 and built it higher in 2014. Whoooo! We got a lot to do right? So what’s my point in all this right? What is OEV getting at?
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My point is to get to this moment…to get this right…to be here in all of this right now today, we had to declare from the beginning that it was “Marriage or Nah”.And this is also what we’re showing our children. I mean, who has that kinda time to be wasting on “Nah” when time is pointing to Marriage? Who has that kinda heart to keep putting up with “Nah” when the heart is desiring Marriage? I mean really tho…who has that kinda strength to continually be weakened on “Nah” when it wants to be stronger in Marriage? I didn’t. And neither do you.

You’re single and you desire marriage..then it’s time to get a “Marriage or Nah” mentality about your life right now. This doesn’t mean nothing else matters, it simply means that the foolishness that comes with “Nah” is over and no longer needs your energy. I gave lots of details above to share our history together. Sure we had some ups and downs along the way, but we were still throwing up “Marriage or Nah” through it all.

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You no longer have time to waste, you no longer have a heart to be broken by people playing games and you no longer have the strength to put towards “Nah”. Instead set some #MarriageGoals and then spend some time working towards those goals. It’s OK to want it, think of it, prepare for it and desire it. It’s honorable remember? So to desire something honorable is actually a very beautiful thing. But you gotta let go of the “Nah” because it’s possibly holding you up from what you truly desire..Marriage.

And last thing, if you’re Married, work to stay together. Remember divorce is nothing more than a “Nah” but in a different context. Not saying all marriages will work out, but at the very least give it your all and work to stay together as best as YOU can so that no matter what happens, you know you was all about that Marriage life! ? ~ OEV

Did I say something that blessed you?  Confused you?  Hit a nerve or inspired you!  Leave a comment and let me know.  I assure you of a timely response.  Love you Fam .  ?
PS  Hey Ladies…wanna join me in my private Facebook group for Queens only?  Click here and join me NOW.  See you there.

 

“In Walks A Man”! ~ OEV

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The woman was tired. She had been up all night getting some rare “me time” by indulging in Netflix movies. But just when she was about to finally get some sleep in the early morning, her youngest son (2 years old) wakes up. While trying to put him back to sleep, an older sibling wakes up and seems to signal for the other children to wake up as well. Before the woman knows it, all of her ‘stair steppers’ are awake. Now the woman wishes she didn’t stay up all night getting rare “me time” in because now she’s going to be tired the rest of the day because at 6am, it really is time to get up anyway.

So the days goes just as expected. Tiresome! She’s tired but managing to run the household to the demands of her younger children while getting the older children to help in keeping things in order. In the afternoon, she actually manages to get them all to take a nap so she takes a nap as well. Three hours seems like enough rest but unfortunately the nap puts her behind in getting dinner ready. Thank The Most High the children are all still sleeping so she gets busy with dinner. Just as things are going well, the youngest son wakes up crying. But before she can even grab him, the youngest daughter wakes up crying as well. She’s wondering how in the world she’s going to get everything done before the man of the house is back home. She’s got things in the oven, things on the stove, things waiting to be mixed on the table and two babies 3 and under crying their tears out. Talk about frustrating and exhausting at the same time. So the woman picks up the 2 year old son, rocking him trying to console him while letting her 3 year old know she’ll be right there in just a minute. But the 3 year old doesn’t seem to take too well to being made to wait, so she cries even more. With dinner preparations interrupted, a son in her lap refusing consolation and a 3 year old crying in the near distance, the woman begins to inwardly break down hoping to be rescued. This was nothing really major that she hadn’t handled before but, working off only 3 hours of sleep and blaming herself in her mind for staying up super late, caused the woman to slightly crumble with exasperation.

But then…the door unlocks and the knob turns. “In Walks A Man”...a hard working Man who just finished working 13 hours. Tired, sweaty, not smelling the best, looking like he just woe out.. not wore out but WOE OUT. He walks in and immediately the 2 year old son who refused the woman’s consolation quickly stops crying, gets up and runs to this Man with outstretched hands. While holding the 2 year old, the Man turns the corner towards the 3 year old daughter who’s still crying. “In walks a Man” to where she was and instead of ceasing from crying, she cries harder upon seeing the Man as if she had been missing the Man all day. The Man takes his free arm and picks up the daughter too. Before she knows it, the Man has both the son and daughter in both arms embracing them strongly and consoling them both effortlessly. Before he sits down while holding the two, he stands with seemingly room for one more…the woman. The woman walks towards him and the Man hugs her with both arms around the two youngest children then she rests upon what remained of his chest, squeezed between the two babies. And it was at that very moment that the woman was reminded of Our Heavenly Father who has room for us all in His arms, in His loving embrace. The Man was not only those children’s father but he was also the woman’s husband. And everything became well when he walked in. Now let’s bring this thing to clarity.

The woman is me, OEV. The Man is my husband, PAV (I know y’all know that too 😀 ). The children are our youngest two of the five. All I know is when that Man, My Man walked in, all that wasn’t well became well. All I know is when that Man walked in, what was turning out to be chaotic before he got home, was now calm…simply because he walked in.

You see, good things happen when a Man walks in. When a male walks in, things either go from bad to worse or they remain the same. But when a Man walks in, things get better or has the potential to get better with some work. Because Joy comes with him. Pain relief comes with him as well. And just when you’re so mad at life and you’re ready to give up, “in walks a Man” with the confidence to encourage you up out of your misery and back into the equanimity you feel when he’s around. Yasssssss! And even if there’s trouble around, a Man walking in gives trouble a serious run for its money. You see, when a male walks in, he could be a trouble maker but when a Man walks in, he’s the trouble taker. Males make trouble, Men take trouble and turn it into calm. Y’all..don’t…hear…me..tho..

This doesn’t mean Men are perfect. It doesn’t mean my Man is perfect, it just means even when we are at odds in our marriage, when my husband walks in, I know no matter what we’re dealing with, he’s gon’ shut it down and work to make things right. No matter if I pout. No matter if I try the silent treatment. No matter if my attitude ain’t right. No matter if his tone ain’t the best. No matter if he don’t agree with what I’m saying. When my husband walks in, ain’t nobody walking out unchanged. Even when our children are restless and rambunctious and I’m struggling to get them all the way in order, when my husband walks in, order is restored. So what am I saying and what has this go to do with you?

I’m saying single women, when I was choosing this man to be my husband, I chose him based on the fruit that showed me he was the type of Man who would work through the craziest mess in marriage. I chose him because his actions showed me he was a righteous man. I chose him because even though he had issues just as I did, I knew he would love me through every issue, every outburst and every self imposed crazy moment I ever created in our marriage. And though this is the Man who walked out on me in year 5 of our marriage, he is also the same man who walked back in, worked with me and made this thang right 12 years and 5 children later.

So do NOT settle for them unrighteous males who look good to marry. Don’t rush into relationships with males who got it made financially but ain’t got it made righteously. Don’t fall for the males who can recite every scripture but can’t SHOW YOU how to apply them same scriptures they quote. Because when the ish hit the fan in marriage, Men are the ones that’s gon’ come through this piece and work everything out with you as best as they can. Those are the kind of perfectly flawed Men you want to give a chance in getting to know you. Men with Standards. Men who are Righteous and Men who can walk into a room and change the entire game up.

And what’s so amazing is you can be just going on about your life, praying, working towards and preparing for this type of man while in the worst season of your life, yet “In Walks A Man” into your life ready to change that season for you or walk through that season with you. And if you don’t think this can happen, you betta ask me. I can tell you some stories honey. LOL! Be Encouraged Single Ladies! I got lots more where this came from. You may say it ain’t a lot of good men like this out here but as I always say, you only need ONE. 😉 ~ OEV

#InWalksAMan #ATrulyFaithfulMan #BeTrulyFaithful #TrulyFaithful

Psalm 1:1-3, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in His law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper”.

Please share this blog post if it blessed you and also join my online Kingdom Building Community for women below where we talk in detail about topics like this and so much more.

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“New Year, Same Me”!

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So 2015 ended and 2016 began…

 

But what’s changed besides the 5 to the 6?  Is your marriage better?  Have you stopped fornicating?  Are you still unemployed?  Did that relationship work out?  Are you still single after all the prophesies of finding the right one to marry in 2015?  Did you get that promotion you believed for?  Do you really feel any different today than December 31, 2015?

Please understand, this is not to make you feel low or lose hope.  This is just to help you face reality but at the same time offer you hope.  How so?  How so when you and your spouse have been trying to have a baby for years and 2015 was supposed to be the year but still no pregnancy?  How so when the woman/man you gave your heart to didn’t give you their heart in return and now you go into the New Year with a broken heart?  How so when you lost a loved one last year?  How so when a close friendship ended last year?  Or how so when your marriage is still on the rocks? We’ll tell you how.  But first…

Do you know how we brought the new year in?  With a disagreement.  I bet you thought we were going to say with prayer, laughter and lots of love right? LOL!  Don’t worry…we did that too.  But yes, we started off with a disagreement about something from 2015, that’s still an issue in 2016 (just a separation of a few days of course).  And though we’ll resolve this, it goes to show that new years often don’t change nothing but the date.  They don’t make you anymore saved than you were the previous year.  They don’t stop your heart from hurting from the loss of family or friendships.  They don’t stop the feelings of disappointments you’ve suffered.  No, they do none of those things.  But, there is something that does come with a new year…ANOTHER CHANCE!

And don’t you just love those?  You get another chance to make a wrong, right.  You get another chance to heal from that broken heart.  You get another change to reconcile a lost friendship or start a new one.  Couples trying to have babies get another chance to enjoy more sex with each other and try again.  Husbands and wives in problem marriages get another chance to work at reconciliation and get help if they need it.  Those who lost jobs in 2015 get another chance to search for new ones in 2016.  Those who entered the new year in bad relationships get another chance to open their eyes and see that it’s time to let the relationship go and more.

Don’t you see?  You might still be the same in a new year, but you’re also still HERE!  Alive!  And you get another chance to get it right!  To do better; to love again; to reconcile; to start afresh; to heal and more!

So even though we brought the new year in with a disagreement, we also get the chance to work it out!  *insert happy dance here* We may not have changed in certain areas or we may not have had any new growth as of yet and we may be the same PAV & OEV from 2015, at this very moment.  But as long as we have breath in 2016, we have the opportunity to grow from “Same Me” to “New Me” and so do you.  So for those who didn’t really feel a change when the clock hit 12:01 AM on January 1, 2016, know that as it is with each day, we get to start this new year off with brand new mercies!  And if we were you, we would take full advantage of them…every waking minute!

Lamentations 3:23, “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning”.

We love you and pray you all have the “Blessed Year EVER”!  😉 

~ PAV & OEV

“When It’s God”! ~ OEV

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Many of you are coming upon marriage and that’s great because marriage is honorable but there are some of you who are marrying just to be marrying. Listen it’s really not our business as to why you are marrying. Whether you are feeling pressured or fearing that you won’t find anyone else who wants to marry you. Whether you are feeling you’re getting older so you need to go ahead and settle or that you’re ready to have children. No matter what it is, understand that when it comes to marriage, it should not be done in haste or out of fear.

Remember, when you marry, you are marrying a person you will share your life with. This person will see you at your best and at your worse. They will see all of your little habits that no one else sees on the regular. They will influence you spiritually just as you will influence them spiritually! There will be no other person on this earth you will be more intimate with; at least that’s how it’s supposed to be. So we encourage you not to jump into marriage just for the sake of marrying. You should want peace when it comes to choosing a mate as this is one surefire way in knowing when it’s God!

No matter what we do in this life, as born again believers, we should always want the approval of our Heavenly Father on anything we do. We pray about jobs, education and so many other things, so we should also pray about entering into life covenants. Because after coming to Christ, marriage is one of the biggest step we will take in this life.

When it’s God, your heart will not be troubled about who you are choosing to marry. When it’s God, the Holy Spirit will confirm it! When it’s God, even though you may be nervous, you will know that this person is the right one for you. When it’s God, you will be ready to marry this person, flaws and all. When it’s God, you’ll look forward to marriage with so much joy! When it’s God you will feel you have to marry this person because you love them just that much! When it’s God, no matter the struggles everything else will fall in line. It has to. Why? Because it’s God!

God will never have His hand on something that does not glorify Him! And even though marriage is honorable, you don’t want to go into it because of fear. You don’t want to marry just because your siblings and friends are already married and your family is pressuring you to marry. You don’t want to marry just because everyone’s telling you to, because in the end, it is YOU that will have to live with the person you choose for a mate.

So to all of you who are about to marry or who are contemplating on who to marry, know that when it’s God, not only will you have peace but EVERYTHING will work out because IT’S HIM! #MakeSure

Phil 4:6-7 (NIV), “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

Be encouraged by the scripture above that as you seek God, He will confirm in letting you know when it’s Him!

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Thanks Everyone!